Journey 50 - Helplessness Stalking

5/19/04: A Journey to see what primal Fear stalks me..a recent Dream found me back in my old house, still full of dread at some impending dire event about to befall me. I first rattled to the 4 Directions and Father Sky/Mother Earth for help and protection. I smudged the room, lit a new Sacred Candle with purple trim outside the glass bought last weekend in Canada, and began concentrating on my goal: let me meet this Fear and learn to use it in a positive way. As I lay down and began the Journey rhythm, I sensed Crosses in Front arriving in the room. He was quite the large Snake this time, and he immediately entered my body through the Kundalini Channel of the Base Chakra and took up position within me. I became skeletal as all my flesh and innards became invisible. This was a new one.. We then went out into the back yard with Crosses head sticking out of my navel. The yard was totally dark, with form barely discernible. We approached a swirling and slimy black hole in the ground at the forest’s edge. I asked that Black Panther accompany us as well, and she showed up within seconds. She brought her face very close to mine and peered into my eyes. She bared her teeth as if in anger. I held her paw and felt the sharpness of her fangs. She then reared up onto her hind legs as if to strike me. I quickly called in the Sky Powers, turning the Sky a lighter blue with stars and calling down columns of Rainbow Light to surround me. Seeing my protection in place, Panther approved of my Shaman-like self-defense efforts and quickly turned herself into a Native Maiden with jet black hair and bright, cat-like eyes, and a much more friendly disposition. :) We then went down the Tunnel together. We entered a dark glade and sat in a rock. I can see and hear the Stalking Force moving through and disturbing large grasses and bushes, never actually seeing the Force itself. But I can tell by my feelings that this IS the Force that has visited me over the years. Panther Maiden holds my hand as the Force moves in behind me and stops. She tells me it will never confront me directly. I must close my eyes and use the Visual Cortex method to see its energy. So, I study the images crossing my Cortex for a while. In several cascading images, I see one person trying to control another, or trying to control an object, and so forth. I realize this Force is a Fear of Loss of Control. It is Helplessness! That has been what has been stalking me. Those recent events that have unsettled me most: the beheading of Nick Berg, the 9-11 crashes..and the like..all involved going to physical death totally out of control. Even the early attacks of my youth, being pulled out of bed and down the stairs by my feet, involved helplessness. I then sped up the drumming to focus harder. I started to see green balls of light seeming to come out of my head and move away, and as they did so I would see images of skeletal faces. This happened at least 4 times, with each face different but vivid in detail and traced in white light amidst the green ball. Each ball went further out until swallowed up in a bright purple field, the color of highest spirituality. Eventually the images stopped emerging, leaving only the purple field, and I knew the cleansing was done. I then asked Panther Maiden how I was to use this knowledge..how can I take total helplessness and make it a Force for Good? She told me that the moments of physical, mental and emotional powerlessness were the very best times for becoming totally power-FUL as a Shaman. It is when there is no power in the other realms that Spirit is most in control. She said from now on to take those moments of helplessness and become the strong Shaman of my Destiny. Spirit supercedes all other realms..the key was to recognize this and use it for Good when all else was out of control. I then drummed back with my Guides, thanked them and grounded back into my room. As I type this, I now wonder if the skeletal faces I saw leaving me were my own faces of the fear of knowing that death was coming and I was helpless to prevent it! :) THat's where the joy derives!