Journey 88/89 Aunt Visit; PA for Father/Son

9/1/04: I had a dream last night about my Aunt, who passed in the late 80s. We were in a strange house, preparing to eat dinner with a bunch of people, when I spotted her lying on her left side on a small couch by a window next to the table. As I reached for her hand, she let me grab it. She had tears in her eyes, but never looked up at me. I knew upon awakening that I would have to Journey to see what it was she wanted to tell me. And so this afternoon I prepared as always, and then set off, the Flame of Life flickering off to my left as the Drums began. I immediately saw myself standing out back by a large Tipi, outlined with glistening colors. I saw my Upper World Guide Eagle Claw sitting in front, beating on the Drum that matched what I was hearing. He handed me a Bowl of a Plant Medicine, which I drank in slow and small gulps. I actually did the swallowing consciously as well. I then lay down as directed with my head just in front of the Drum..and found myself becoming as stiff as a stick. Eagle Claw turned into Barred Owl and then Snowy Owl. He took me in his Talons and we were off. We headed up into Space, which was wavy and distorted..the Solar System, the Universe..all seemed to be undulating. As we moved further out, we came to an Octopus in Space. We stopped there, and I told him my desire: to speak with my Aunt and see what she was trying to tell me. I then was directed up to the top of the Octopus’s head, and sank down into it as a Spirit. From within, I could look down the “corridors”, as it were, of all eight arms. Most were empty, with doors at the end of each with a colorful room beyond. But at the end of one I saw my Aunt, as she was when I last saw her, and I went down to speak to her. I saw her transform from that image to herself as a young lady, and back. I began by thanking her for coming to me so often as a Cardinal, here favorite Winged One, in the past few years of my Shaman’s Walk. I asked, and she said she was not angry with me for not coming home for the final visit, when my wife was pregnant withmy son. But then she asked me why I had never given comfort to her concerning her cancer, her dying..or even talked with her about it. She said my reason for not doing so was like the large yellow and orange translucent brick wall I found myself now sitting on. I must break down this wall, by discovering what it was about myself that caused to me to be remote and removed. She said total understanding of this part of my character was essential to go much further into my Shamanic practice. I started running through possible reasons: Age discrimination? She turned herself back to her early 20s and asked if I would have been more engaged had she been this young. A feeling of helplessness? Aversion to being with people who are dying? Pure selfishness? Spiritual confusion? All these possibilities ran through my head, but I didn’t feel anyone of them was really it. Even as I write this up 24 hours later, I am still not certain exactly what it is about me that caused that reaction..but I DO know why I have to get rid of it to be an effective healer. Anne told me that one I had removed this wall, she would be there to help me with my Shamanic advancement. She then gave me a single Lily to plant in my Spirit Garden..colored with both male and female Cardinal hues. As I was returning from this Journey is profuse thanks to EC and my Aunt, I kept asking myself, as if seeing my behavior for the first time..why DID I ignore her..not even a card or call..man! In the ensuing days, I finally discovered the Truth about my reaction: I saw my future SELF in my Aunt, how I would end up, and was too afraid to face it!

My second Journey of the day was to discover Power Animals for one of my wife’s co-worker’s family members. I had already gotten one for her (White Duck), and she wanted her husband and son to have one as well. So off I went, and Snake met me immediately, with Diamond eyes. She warped herself around me and we slithered together off into a field which quickly became a desert. We went down through an opening in the Ground at the base of a Cactus. As we went down through the first layers, a small zone of moist Earth was there...but then it was dry dirt and stone for much of the rest of the way. This implies there is a lack of emotion or feminine power with these men. As we neared the Exit, streamers of green and pink light began pouring lengthwise along the walls. As we exited, we were in a world near the end of dusk, landing in a pond with large green leaves around. A Frog immediately came to me and asked me to climb aboard. I got the sense this was the Dad’s Power Animal. He hopped out across the Water, and I saw little Islands of land floating in the Air above us! They were covered in small red Flowers, and we saw several Animals eating there: a Turkey Vulture, a Turkey, and a Zebra. But none were in the slightest interested in us, so we moved on. We came off that land Island and were moving along the water toward shore, upon which appeared an Armadillo, which of course has to do with defense and vulnerability, and knowing when to open up. This Animal indicated it was the PA for the Son, for we landed on its back and it did not shrink away. We got back off, and suddenly there were two more Power Animals there: Skunk and Porcupine. So I knew there were secondary PAs for the son, a first in my Journeys. As I was trying to sort all this out (which is the PA for sure, for example), I was called back. I thanked Snake and all the other Spirits, and returned. Research shows that Frog is heavily involved with femininity and emotions, verifying my early statement concerning the desert and dry descent. Skunk has to do with Sensuality, Self-Esteem and Respect, Porcupine with a renewed sense of wonder. Both of these secondary Totems would and will serve a young man well! I since discovered that by trying to accomplish two feats at once, I mucked up the results..hence the profusion of Power Animals and the confusion. I re-accomplished the Journey for the Dad a few days later.