Journey 36 - Shamanic Training: Body Death

3/2: I took a Journey this morning, but for the first time with the intent of allowing my Teachers to choose which of two Paths would be best for me to go on. I had an equal pull in two directions, so I asked them to lead me to the one most suitable for me at this point in my Training. Should I explore my Black Panther Medicine further, or face my own Death in full to strengthen my Shamanism. I began drumming after smudging the room. I quickly found myself in a glass-enclosed Tower. A Bald Eagle came soaring right up to the Glass in front of me with talons and beak open, as if trying to get through to me. Was it anger, or desperation? Was it to startle me into action? Am I still too closed off from Eagle Medicine..is my nest still too low? An interesting beginning. Suddenly, my first Journey Guide, Snake (Crosses in Front), was at my feet, urging me to follow him down the grate in the floor, which I did. We went down into a dark Tunnel to the Lower World. He stood by me as all my clothes fell off. The surroundings were muddy, rocky and bathed in a very dark Blue light. I found myself now walking into an ice-cold stream, which hurt my feet lot. Still I pushed forward, having decided by now that this Journey was to be about my Death. We moved up into a Jungle area, where a Figure dressed in all black greeted me. As I walked up an incline, numerous bugs like Green Heads were attacking my all over, taking huge chunks of flesh from me. It was very distracting and painful, as they were biting my face and head as well, but I moved on nonetheless. The attacks stopped as I reached a Stone Slab at a crest of a Hill overlooking a River far below to my left. I lay down as Snake stood and the Black Figure sat at a distance by me. I waited for Night. When it arrived, I could see many lit Tipis and hand-held torches around me, well down the Hill and surrounding me. A Black Panther then came out of the night and up to me, beckoning me to follow. I did, and she led me to a lit-in-yellow, straw-filled bed beneath a large number of leaf-less bush branches that all had a soft white Aura along their lengths. As we lay down together, I became a Black Panther cub, with my mother beside me, offering protection. At this point, Jen knocked on my door, and for the first time I had to totally suspend a Journey. I put Medicine on her tattoo, and when she left I went back to my Journey. Part of being a Shaman is the ability to be able to jump between Worlds, so I knew this interruption was to be no problem. I merely retraced my steps back to where I had left off, and was fully involved once again. Then, some humanoid figures came to the straw bed where we were lying, and attacked and killed the large Panther at my side with long spears. But they kidnapped me, wrapping me in a blanket and carrying me through the Jungle. I took a canoe trip as well, as I could hear and feel the water. When the trip was over, I was released from my blanket and placed in an arena with a high cliff overlooking it. There were several Tigers stalking at the other end..obviously meant for me. I was a human, and naked, once again. My Spirit Guides were all along the ridge of the Cliff, watching me. In a new twist, though, my immediate family was along the fence, pleading with me not to go through with this. My wife was crying to me to the extreme, and my son was yelling at me not to do this. My daughter was sobbing, and my grandaughter was also calling to me. I found myself filling with tears and felt an intense longing to go back to them. I was soon taken into a Cave to sit alone, but their voices came through holes in the wall, pleading with me. My grandaughter snuck in and was walking toward me, calling my name..but a figure came and snatched her away. I was going berserk with confusion. I was crying, full of doubt about what to do. I had never felt panic like this in a Journey. My breathing was fast. I believe a Power Animal came in to walk by me for a few seconds, but I can’t recall which..probably Squirrel or Woodchuck..a smaller being, for sure. I felt such an intense longing to just be with my family, but felt by making that choice I would be giving up all the progress I had made so far. I would have to go back to being the old me, the person I was before I began the Native Walk. I spoke to myself, and told myself I was only destroying the weak and older parts of that “old” me, that by going through this date with the Tigers that I would emerge an even better person for my wife and children. I wanted so badly for them to understand that I had to do this so I could be a more effective love and healer for them..but all I heard were their cries and beggings. I filled my heart with Love and Intent, and determined I would return to them from this Event..but had to go through it. Love would carry me through. I went out to face the Tigers, and offered them no resistance. One tore into my right chest, the other engulfed my head. It was a very short time before I found myself hovering over my torn and bloody body. One of the Tigers looked up at me and grinned wildly, and told me, “you can never go back.” I did not feel that way, and insisted to myself that I would. The only reason I went through this was so I COULD go back and be a better Shaman. Two of my Spirit Guides appeared, and also told me I had made my choice and could not go back. I insisted I be allowed to return. They then took my Spirit to a Cave, where I was fed a red vegetable-like glop with purple and green specks. Who knows what it was. But after eating, I found myself along in a cocoon made of rainbow light. Before me, on my Visual Cortex, was the clear image of a Lion. He began to extract thin black spears from my Spirit Robe, one by one. The cocoon then closed in on me, and I felt myself rushing back to my room. I drummed myself back and took in Mother Earth’s Energy. I was shaken and nervous from this Journey, but felt I had accomplished a cleansing and a new commitment to the Path. Believe me, listening to my wife begging me filled me with remorse and doubt and longing..but I knew it was for her benefit that I had to go through the Tiger Mauling. Typing this several hours later, I feel a new calm and belonging, a new Oneness with Life. I have some things left to interpret, such as Eagle flying at me to begin with, the death of the Mother Panther, the meaning of the glop I was fed, which Power Animal came to strengthen me..but it was obvious the Shamanic Death Journey was the more important of the two options I placed before my Guides.