Journey 14 - Overcoming Fear of Death

I took this Journey in response to the Medicine Dream of the other night, in which I felt myself and my daughter and and grandaughter under attack from the dark force (white, oval head with red eyes in this case), back in my house in MA where all these Battles have played out. Recall that toward the end of that Dream I had gone downstairs, only to find several people in obvious total distress, slamming up against the windows with ebola-like symptoms and seeking help in a final desperation. I was yelling “No, No” and trying to get back up the stairs to my daughter. It was at this point that the Dream ended. My yells awoke my wife! I obviously still have some issues with fear.
So I took advantage of the earlier offer for me to Journey and see what is what with my Shadow Self, and what this Dream meant. I self-drummed, as I find this a more effective way to travel. I smudged the area with both Sage and Sweet Grass. I used the Shamanic Breathing technique for about two minutes to increase my Spirit Essence and to relax. I then headed out, with Two Feathers and Gray Wolf, my guardians, by my side. I found ourselves walking toward the golden sunset of the other night, attracted by the Spirit Power thereof. At first, the golden light was a brilliant road with the shining sun on the horizon, but then it expanded to became a plain. I saw some traditional western buildings to my right at one point, also gold, with the sun becoming a Tipi in the distance, gold as well. At times the colors shifted on the Plain, with Rose and Green showing up at times. Suddenly, the scene shifted, and I was standing next to a very tall Standing Person (Tree), that was a luminescent green with very thick leaf coverage..essentially no gaps and branches visible. There were Shamans sitting around the base of the Tree, and I knew these were the Shamans minding the Tree of Life. I joined them, and they handed me my own Pipe, that was also glowing in its own colors. As we Smoked, one of the Shamans told me I was well on my way in learning to deal with my Shadow Self, and that it actually wanted to cooperate with me in helping my achieve total Shaman’s Death. He also told me that my Dream was sent to show me what my basic reaction is still when presented with fear and the threat of death: self-preservation and preservation of my own immediate family. He told me I should have thought of the people outside the windows instead, and tried to help and heal them with my power of Prayer. In order to be in total unison with my Shadow Self, he went on, I must be ready to help those in the most need at all times, regardless on the consequences to myself or my family. Then, small golden balls of Spirit Essence (mana) appeared on the Tree. I was told to eat these often, for I would be helping feed my Shadow Self as well as myself. I then could see my Spirit Body a short distance in front of me, with my Shadow Self trapped within. As I watched him eat one of these golden fruits, he became smaller and more content. Then, the Sacred Tree began to radiate in different colors as we sat in silence. The lesson was over. Or so I thought. Suddenly, I saw a Skull before me, and knew instantly it was mine. I started to feed smaller orbs of the Golden Spirit Fruit through the eye sockets, based on instinctual instruction from my Helpers. This seemed amusing to me, as if it were a way of overcoming fear of my own Death. This action also was a way of increasing my own Spirit Power, I was told. I then walked into the Tree itself. It was not solid but enveloping, and I became one with its energy field. I felt at one with all things, and experienced the healing Power of all prior Shamans. My body was tingling from head to toe with delight and peace. I then decided to call myself back, and drummed back into the room, my body still tingling from the wonder of touching the Tree of Life. Many thanks to the Shamans and my Guardians who helped me in this Journey.

Journey 13b - Job App Status

9/20/03: Journey to discover the status of my wife’s job application at a different company. I prepared more diligently this time. I took Shamanic breaths several minutes to relax, and then smudged the room with Sage Smoke. I hand-drummed again. I have found that drumming for myself is much more effective, so I will probably not use the CD much more. To begin the Journey, I knew to walk back to the Circle where the Spirits had been dancing around the Sparking Tower. I really put myself in these woods with all my senses, as we are supposed to do. I came to the Dance Clearing. It was about 100 feet across, with a large circle of dead Leaves forming a covering. I walked across the Leaves to sit in the middle (indicates balance). I found a chunk of clear Quartz that was beveled like a diamond. As I picked it up, flowers popped out of the Leaves. They were 3” high with thin green Leaves beneath a large 2” circle of off-white, tightly packed petals. Then, my Guardian Two Feathers arrived. I took the opportunity to kneel before her and thank her for guiding me all these 51 years, and for letting me leave the Spirit Camp for this Walk on Earth. She was glad to see me so humbly thankful, and even teased me humorously by changing to look like the wood Wall Hanging I have of her, before changing back. I looked in her eyes and saw the same eyes as Eagle Claw has..the eyes of the Owl..before they went back to normal. She then took my diamond-shaped Quartz Crystal and smoothed it into a perfect Sphere with her Hands, and gave it back to me. Suddenly, Owl was in the Trees at the edge of the Clearing. He suddenly grew Huge, covering the Sky, and began beating his wings. The dead Leaves blew around Two Feathers and me. I sank into a hole in the ground, surrounded by the Leaves, as she stood above. I then looked into the Crystal Sphere, and saw a corridor in the company, which led to the desk of the supervisor who had interviewed my wife. Her resume was tossed to the side, as if carelessly discarded. This suggested to me that perhaps the husband of the company employee got the job. But the supervisor was still very interested in my wife. I was then shown the Shipping area, where a job in the records dept involving a lot of Excel and Word usage was waiting for her, at 24K to start. I hen came back up, and Owl had shrunk to normal size. I then asked Two Feathers about my misgivings, very strong today, concerning Rains Again and the 5-Stone Altar. She then told me what I had been suspecting: I was Rains Again! My discomfort must flow from seeing the Altar again and seeing it in this time. I got the sense I must have strayed off the Sacred Path of Beauty as Rains Again, and did some unauthorized stuff..revenge type stuff. So I have come back to correct this and to use the Altar only for good! Two Feathers then left. I came back to the yard. First, I placed the perfect Quartz Sphere on my 5-Stone Altar. Then I brought it in to my room, where it shrank and became a single molecule at the very tip of my Crystal Wand..always available when needed. Another tool for seeing and healing! After I was back, I opened up the Meadows book and at random came to the page describing meaning of Stones and Minerals acquired on Shamanic Journeys. Diamond = prosperity, and Quartz = Spiritual Development. There are no coincidences!

Journey 13a - 5-Stone Altar Made

9/19: This morning I made a 5-Stone Altar using some Stone People who had earlier shown an interest, found by the feeding area. I placed the 5 Stones in a circle near the Pipe Prayer Spot, and interconnected all the Stones with sticks from the surrounding area. I made sure, however, to use one stick from the area where the Stone came from. Fascinating to see was that the sticks running from one Stone to the opposite two made a “Y”, symbolic of +/-, yes/no, male/female, yang/yin..in short, balance. Shaman’s balance. It has been nearly 900 years since such an Altar was in place here. As I looked down at it, I felt a little spooky thinking of all that time and how things were back then. But I knew it had been a very powerful place, and again felt that Rains Again had dealt with some hefty negative forces in his time.

Journey 13 - Owl in Woods is Eagle Claw!

I decided to take a quick second Journey to see what the Owl in the woods represented. I used my own drumming this time, and asked Gray Wolf, a long-time Guardian but one I have never used before, to go with me into the dark woods outside my house to visit the Owl. The intense darkness quickly gave way to a moonlit type forest floor, so I knew I had crossed into a new section of time and space. We got to a clearing and I could see blue Spirit shapes dancing in a clearing ahead. I joined in with them, after looking up at Owl in the Standing Person and seeing (or sensing) that Owl was Eagle Claw! As I joined in the Dance, a great Sparkler Tower ignited in the middle of the Dance area. I suddenly found myself either shape-shifting to a great height or floating up. As I sank down into this Sparkler Tower, I suddenly saw all the Spirits dancing around clearly as people, and in broad daylight. When I came back out, all was as it was before, with the Blue Shapes only. Suddenly, Owl took me across the Tree Tops. We raced into Space and over to Eagle Claw’s ledge! There, Eagle Claw sat, remaining in the Owl Shape. While I was there, Eagle Claw gave me a new phrase for my benefit. This phrase is a power phrase, to be used to strengthen my spirit awareness and happiness. The phrase is Ashi Manapana Wesu. We then returned to the clearing, and the Spirits and Tower faded to darkness, with only the Owl calling in the Tree left. I then came back to the room and grounded myself. My deepest thanks to all my Spirit Helpers for guiding me safely on these two Journeys.

Journey 12 - Hurricane Isabel Track

9/16/03: My first Journey involved using the Shaman Drumming CD. I had asked via Pendulum if I might try to determine the true course of Hurricane Isabel via a Journey. Telling the future is an advanced technique, and I figured even if it didn’t work it was worth the training. So I smudged the room with Sage and Sweetgrass and went to it. I rode a Peace Eagle up into the sky, digging my fingers comfortably into his side as we flew. He turned and smiled. We rapidly ended up in a place in the coastal south, with lots of trees and brush which reminded me of scenes I’d seen from Virginia, so I figured I was in the right place. Suddenly, it turned dark, and I was on a large field with different colored, shining fire piles, with dark figures sitting around them. As I walked, I looked back at one and it seemed to remind me of Two Feather’s shape. Ahead of me was a very brightly shining, tan –colored Tipi, and I knew I was meant to go for that. As I got to it, I looked up. In the sky was my new Shaman symbol, with the S and parenthesis made of clouds, and the two dots made of stars. Suddenly, the two stars erupted in very bright beams of white light, shining straight down like narrow tubes, which turned the Tipi very bright. I went in, taking this as an invitation. The floor was covered with a very elegant bearskin throw, which covered the interior floor. Rains Again, the new Shaman Helper I met in my Journey behind the shed, came toward me slowly with my Pipe. We suddenly both shape-shifted to very small beings, and walked into the Bowl on the Stem side. As I walked, I could see that every Smoke I had done with this Pipe was recorded in full detail (3-D and in motion) on the sides. As we reached the center of the Bowl, we reached a Clearing. Rains’s 5-sided Altar was there, but the 5 Stone People were ablaze with light, and the interior was made up of blue sky with connecting strands of Clouds. We immersed ourselves into this part of the Altar. Suddenly, I was alone and flying above the hurricane. I saw it move into the southern half North Carolina versus the very northern section currently forecast, and from there northward into SE Ontario. Then, I came back to the Altar. Rains Again and I looked up the chimney part of my Bowl at this point, and saw stars in a large universe. So that is where my Prayer Smoke and Prayers go..into the Star Nation! I then asked Rains if there were anymore to be learned, and he said no. As the imagery went to black (several phone calls interrupted me a bit at this point anyway), I concentrated on images crossing the “screen” of my mind’s eye. I saw a Native approaching with two bright and small inverted triangles in his belt. I also saw a face of a being with large eyes and a trunk-like projection for a nose. I felt discomfort with this being, so asked for Two Feathers to come to me for protection. After that, I fell into more random dreams patterns and knew the journey was over, so I came back early and stopped the CD.

Journey 11 - First Encounter with Rains Again

I decided today’s Journey should be to discover the Native history of my Power Area. It is obviously filled with Spirit Power (recall I’ve seen it flowing in a Dream Vision), and has been there for eons. So I self-drummed, and soon met with Crosses, my Snake Guide, near the Epiphany Tree. He dug a small hole and suggested we go down through it. We went directly under the Epiphany Tree, and I could clearly see its dear roots spreading out in all directions, hanging down from the ground above us as if suspended from a ceiling. Suddenly, directly below the Tree, stood a very old and worn Tipi. I got the sense that the portion of the Tree above ground were the sticks sticking out of the Tipi’s top. Crosses and I went into the Tipi, and it was very dark and old, smelling of long-since burnt Sacred Herbs. There was nothing on the walls, the floor was very dark and bare. Suddenly, all my Helpers (Two Feathers, Gray Wolf, Eagle Claw, Underground Bear and of course Crosses) appeared with me, and we all joined hands and were floating around in the dark. After a few seconds, I could see land below me. It was my neighborhood, but very long ago. The River near my house was wider and closer to my house than it is now. The area was thickly wooded, as now. I got the sense that the people who lived here then were mainly fish and small game eaters. There was a strong feeling that this area never supported large groups of people for long periods of time. However, there was one small Tribe that lived here, about 900 years ago. One of the men from this Tribe came out of the sunlit woods (as I now stood on the ground) and showed me a wood and sinew contraption that had 5 corners, with the sinews interconnecting all the points both around and across. He held it out to me to inspect. I had no idea what it was, but though it might be a hunting tool..but how would that work?! I was confused. Suddenly, my mind shifted to the area right behind my shed, but in a time way back. I saw a very old man, the Tribal Shaman. He had a set of stones on the ground, 5 of them, with sticks interconnecting all the points, just like the item the man had showed me. So THAT was it! What I was shown was a mini-version of the Shaman’s power altar. I sensed that the Shaman would dance around these stones and sticks for power and prayer. I saw that he could actually change his size from very large (taller than the trees) to very small (smaller than a chipmunk). I sensed he used this power both to heal and to discover news. He did not use a Pipe..it was not invented. But he did use to the Spirit of Stones and Trees to work. I sensed his name was “Rains Again.” I sensed that in his practice, Rains Again had to deal with a lot of Negative Forces. I was so unnerved at one point I had to ask Crosses to come sit by me as I viewed these Stones. Having recovered my balance, I then realized that these stones are still down under my Prayer Site! What a thrill! They have been pushed and spread apart a bit by the centuries of Earth-shifting, but they are still there!! The Shaman himself was buried about 700 feet SE of my house, so HE is still there too. No wonder there is so much Spirit Power in this area, and that I was restored to my Shaman ways by living here. I then sensed that all of us, my Helpers and Rains Again, were meeting in my room (but what is was back then) as I lay there. White Spirit Rain was falling heavily upon all of us, strengthening us. Rains Again, who was on my right, then drew a symbol in the dirt before me. It was an S, with two small dots, one within each bend of the letter. To the upper right (the Northeast quadrant) of the S was a rotated right-parentheses symbol that stretched from the east to the north point. I memorized this symbol, for I was certain it was being given to me as a symbol of Shamanic Power! (I have since, in the hour since my Journey ended, constructed a Shaman’s Wand using a small stick given me a few weeks ago on a walk with Janet. I have attached all the Feathers I received from the Hawk-kill of the Dove a few weeks back. On the handle of the stick I have carved in my new symbol. This Wand will now serve with me to strengthen my Prayer Ceremonies.) After this message, I returned to the here and now. I have since checked my new symbol against ancient symbology called “Runes”, used by the ancients as power symbols. My symbol is very close to the rune that stands for “Power of Will, Directing Power, Spine, Regeneration, the SHAMAN’S RUNE (my emphasis added)”. There is therefore no doubt I have been given my own Shaman’s symbol. How amazingly exciting!! I then checked the number 5, since I’m not used to any other Sacred numbers than 4 and 7. 5 stands for the Power of Unconditional Love! It represents “the means of merging with all that exists around us.” It also represents “the primary matrix, a center with 4 cardinal points”. It represents “the Power of Family, and is placed in the due South, the Direction of Trust and Innocence.” So now I have a firm knowledge of the Spirit past of this place, and have the added bonus of having met with and received my Shaman’s symbol from the Shaman who once practiced here.

Journey 10 - Eagle Rise/Fall Dance

I took a Journey using my Shamanic Drumming CD. The purpose was to learn how to use my new Rattles for healing People. I smudged the room with Sage and Sweetgrass, then lay down to the opening drumming sequence while asking to learn how to use my Rattles and imagining my opening scene. I met the Peace Eagle of earlier over the restaurant and climbed on her back. She took me higher and higher in loops, through a very pleasant layer of beautifully warm air. We then got up to the Cloud People, who were alive and smiling and speaking to us as we flew by. Suddenly there were little streamers of light in the sky, hanging down like ribbons, through which we flew. As we did so, little drops of purple-blue Spirit Essence were clinging to us. Ahead, we saw a Cloud Person Tipi, toward which we headed. As we went through this Cloud Person, we entered a very short tunnel that led to a more solid Plain of Tipis, where I was met by Eagle Claw. We walked together and I asked him to teach me how to use my Rattles to heal. He took me to a particular Tipi, which I entered. Inside was Two Feathers, my Guardian! She helped me dress in Deerskin leggings and a pull-over, open shirt of hide. We painted my face in red and white stripes, and my arms in yellow and black. I then went out and Eagle Claw led me to the Shaman Dancing Fire. Above this huge fire, which sat in the middle of a large opening, well up in the sky, were four loops of Eagles circling around a center point, lending the appearance of a four-leaf Clover. Each loop of Eagles was colored for the direction it was pointed toward (Red, Yellow, Black, White), and they were very vibrant. From the mid point of the loop down to the tip of the fire another set of Eagles were alternately diving straight down or going straight up, Blue as they ascended, Green as they descended. I then watched as the Shamans danced with their Rattles. As they moved straight toward the fire from a Cardinal direction, they were timed perfectly with the Eagles going up (that is, both the Dance in and the Flight up took the same time). They had their arms raised up, and were praying their prayer. As they went back out from the Fire, timed perfectly for the Eagles coming down, they were bent over and giving thanks. They did this 7 times. I was then allowed to participate, as if taking my turn, so I learned how to move back and forth in perfect unison with the Eagles going up and down, while praying and giving thanks. I then went back to the Tipi, where now a Council Fire with my Prayer Lodge Helpers was taking place. Also, the person I’m praying for, was in there, dressed normally. We smoked from my Pipe and passed it to her as well. The Woman in the Dress doll from the Amazon that our friend gave me was also there. She came up to me and whispered a new healing phrase: Shweshi Wasaji Omapu. The 2nd word is almost the same as the phrase given me by Eagle Claw for my Star Rainbow Healing Ceremony (Wasaja). She then took a mixture of Pipe ash, Sage ash and Sweetgrass Ash and sprinkled it over the person being prayed for while saying those words. After this healing ceremony, I thanked all my helpers. Then Peace Eagle took me through the sky again. This time the clear portion was a brilliant, glowing purple, while Cloud People came and went through it. I saw a Horse’s Face, and a Man Shadow (my shadow self?). I then drifted off deeper into the drumming, almost in a trance, and after a short while, realizing my lesson was over, I came back, once more thanked my Helpers, and took the Peace Eagle back to our world, retracing our steps. I had to bang on the CD player to complete my transition back to this time, since that part of the CD was unavailable. :) I then took my Rattle and actually danced the Colored Eagle Rattle Dance in my room for my friend, after which I “went in the Prayer Tipi” and anointed her, saying the new phrase 7 times. I then repeated the Dance for a person in Shaw’s who had told me this morning that she had lost all her belongings in an apartment fire caused by a neighbor’s air conditioner. She had no insurance and no place to go. I danced for her in a separate Dance, then likewise anointed her with the new phrase. As I moved forward with arms up, I said my prayer and saw the Blue Eagles flying skyward. As I moved back, bent down, giving thanks, I saw the Green Eagles diving downward. I was also aware of the looping Eagles above, dressed in their brilliant colors. A very moving and wonderful Dance of Healing, it shall serve me and others in good stead. I am always so at Peace after a Journey. A new landmark also has been reached in that I no longer react with internal churning when people are angry or disagreeing with me. I have reached that point of detachment where I view their tirade and anger with amusement and understanding..a sure sign of progress as my Shaman talents grow.

Journey 9 - Killer AND Victim

9/2/03: A very powerful Medicine Dream overnight. I was in a strange house, at night, with both doors locked tight. I was conscious of a very murderous force lurking about the neighborhood, and was very nervous about being along in this house. I was convinced the murdered/psychopath was somewhere very nearby..and I made sure the doors were locked. Suddenly, to my horror, the murderer was sitting in a chair in the next room, looking at me with a wide smile. I turned, and saw a technician who had not been there before working at some radio equipment. He turned his head, and the murdered went to work. Here’s the really remarkable part. I think I became the murderer, and I sliced through the fellow’s right side while he had turned his back to me. I then immediately BECAME the victim, feeling the intense awfulness of those few seconds of consciousness when you see your body split and you feel horrid pain. I then sensed myself dying, as the victim this time, and freeing myself from my Robe. As I looked around afterward, I saw three tiny black Spirit entities hovering around. They were quite small. I realized that the “demons” that cause people to commit horrid acts are quite small and not all that powerful. But if they are many, they can overwhelm the person. This is why we must pray and strengthen our Spirit Bodies everyday. I thought about this dream all day, and there are obvious interpretations. I’m still afraid of a violent death? Am I not now, now that I have seen the dark entities swirling near me as I left my Robe? Evil apparently comes in small packets versus the large purple Spirit figures I saw the last time I journeyed. This was a very unsettling dream, and it affected my entire day. I believe the Spirits are asking me to deal with the whole issue of Death and Violence next..both of which I have to conquer to advance as a Shaman. It was fascinating to see myself as my own killer, and then the Victim as well.