Journey 51 - Wall of Evil

5/20/04: A Journey to discover the source of the “Wall of Evil” sensed by one of my pastor’s friends in the riverside woods along the parking lot of the church. I lit the Sacred Candle and smudged, then used the Drum CD to Journey. This was going to be a different experience right from the start. Instead of the usual beginning where I await my Guide in the back yard, I was instantly transported to the woods themselves, Guide-less. So I waited there, expecting my Owl Guide to arrive and take me to the Upper World. Owl showed up, all right, but had deep red eyes! My sense of foreboding was heightened as he came near me with extended claws, ready to sink them into my upper torso. I quickly realized this was not my Guide, and I called in protection using my Prayer Chant given me by Eagle Claw, who often takes an Owl form at first. Surrounded now by a strong Rainbow Aura, I stood and wondered. I was confused. This type of start had never occurred before. I was never even given the chance to tunnel to the Upper World. (As I write this after the Journey, I sense this was my first Journey in which I was drawn into the Middle Word, a dangerous place to go. Back to the Journey.) Shortly after I protected myself (another aside..this is the second straight Journey where I have had to surround myself with Rainbow Energy..yesterday’s was a test by Black Panther, no doubt in preparation for today’s real thing), my Seer Senses All appeared and sat a short distance away. She was somber. The area itself was also different that it looks today, much more wooded with high grasses, and the river much less intrusive. Owl remained fixed in his Tree. I told Senses All I was confused by this unusual sequence of events. And why was Owl so angry, I asked. She told me that the Owl Medicine that was once strongly honored here by the indigenous peoples (they used Owl to heal, and wore Owl Feathers in ceremony) had been dishonored when they were driven off by the peoples who were steeped in Christian Faith. The Sacred space of Owl Medicine, so to speak, had never been properly closed. The sense I got was that the Natives were forced to leave in a hurry. There was now a clash between the energies of the fresh and remnant disciplines. At this point, Senses froze..time seemed to stand still. Again I looked around in a heightened sense of nervous wonder. Sensing myself alone and still in a dangerous place, I returned my consciousness to my feet and made sure my Aural energy was firmly grounded to Mother Earth. I returned to the scene and asked Senses All what could be done. I then was told that Anne should collect any Owl images/totems she has in her house and bring them to her Altar. I was then shown the Feather on my Medicine Bundle I found a few years ago (to this day I’m not sure if it is a Hawk or Owl Feather). I saw this Feather moving to my pastor’s Altar and placing itself in her little cup. This told me the Feather was indeed from an Owl, and the Healing Spirit of the Feather was being sent to her to help her deal with this issue. I also saw her standing in the parking lot near those woods, burning a piece of paper with an Owl’s image on it. Another image that appeared showed her burning a small candle in front of an Owl’s picture. These images did not appear in a quick string, but came separately over a short time, with moments in the woods for pondering in between. I then was back with Senses All, and I saw a very large Alligator moving toward me. He stopped just short of me. I again wondered if this was an attack, but he was not baring his teeth. It was almost as if he were receiving instructions from me. I then saw him move up an ancient street that struck me as being the Via Dolorosa, the path Christ took with his Cross. Alligator disappeared and after a short time came back. The anger of the conflicting disciplines seemed to have been resolved by his action. Owl’s eyes had gone back to normal, and my sense of foreboding was gone. Suddenly, I was standing at the edge of a very steep and jagged rock cliff, looking down into a very deep River Valley. I stepped over the edge, and my Power Animal Eagle immediately flew over and grabbed me, bringing me back to the side. I was then back with Senses All. I asked which action my pastor should take. It appeared as if Alligator had already taken care of the Medicine conflict. Senses All told me my pastor was very spiritual and beyond the constraints of Christian-only mindset. Sense said she should still honor the Owl Medicine in one of the ways shown earlier, thereby asking in Prayer for the Owl Medicine to flow back to those who currently use it and need it. I then thanked Senses All, Alligator and Owl for their Guidance, and returned to the room.

The fact I was trained yesterday in establishing instant protection for myself, and then had to use that training for real today in my first-ever Journey to the more dangerous Middle World, shows me the Spirits truly know what they are doing, looking ahead in “time”..and that I have been granted access to deeper and more challenging Spirit realms due to my steady advances in my Shamanic training. Very humbling..and exciting.

Journey 50 - Helplessness Stalking

5/19/04: A Journey to see what primal Fear stalks me..a recent Dream found me back in my old house, still full of dread at some impending dire event about to befall me. I first rattled to the 4 Directions and Father Sky/Mother Earth for help and protection. I smudged the room, lit a new Sacred Candle with purple trim outside the glass bought last weekend in Canada, and began concentrating on my goal: let me meet this Fear and learn to use it in a positive way. As I lay down and began the Journey rhythm, I sensed Crosses in Front arriving in the room. He was quite the large Snake this time, and he immediately entered my body through the Kundalini Channel of the Base Chakra and took up position within me. I became skeletal as all my flesh and innards became invisible. This was a new one.. We then went out into the back yard with Crosses head sticking out of my navel. The yard was totally dark, with form barely discernible. We approached a swirling and slimy black hole in the ground at the forest’s edge. I asked that Black Panther accompany us as well, and she showed up within seconds. She brought her face very close to mine and peered into my eyes. She bared her teeth as if in anger. I held her paw and felt the sharpness of her fangs. She then reared up onto her hind legs as if to strike me. I quickly called in the Sky Powers, turning the Sky a lighter blue with stars and calling down columns of Rainbow Light to surround me. Seeing my protection in place, Panther approved of my Shaman-like self-defense efforts and quickly turned herself into a Native Maiden with jet black hair and bright, cat-like eyes, and a much more friendly disposition. :) We then went down the Tunnel together. We entered a dark glade and sat in a rock. I can see and hear the Stalking Force moving through and disturbing large grasses and bushes, never actually seeing the Force itself. But I can tell by my feelings that this IS the Force that has visited me over the years. Panther Maiden holds my hand as the Force moves in behind me and stops. She tells me it will never confront me directly. I must close my eyes and use the Visual Cortex method to see its energy. So, I study the images crossing my Cortex for a while. In several cascading images, I see one person trying to control another, or trying to control an object, and so forth. I realize this Force is a Fear of Loss of Control. It is Helplessness! That has been what has been stalking me. Those recent events that have unsettled me most: the beheading of Nick Berg, the 9-11 crashes..and the like..all involved going to physical death totally out of control. Even the early attacks of my youth, being pulled out of bed and down the stairs by my feet, involved helplessness. I then sped up the drumming to focus harder. I started to see green balls of light seeming to come out of my head and move away, and as they did so I would see images of skeletal faces. This happened at least 4 times, with each face different but vivid in detail and traced in white light amidst the green ball. Each ball went further out until swallowed up in a bright purple field, the color of highest spirituality. Eventually the images stopped emerging, leaving only the purple field, and I knew the cleansing was done. I then asked Panther Maiden how I was to use this knowledge..how can I take total helplessness and make it a Force for Good? She told me that the moments of physical, mental and emotional powerlessness were the very best times for becoming totally power-FUL as a Shaman. It is when there is no power in the other realms that Spirit is most in control. She said from now on to take those moments of helplessness and become the strong Shaman of my Destiny. Spirit supercedes all other realms..the key was to recognize this and use it for Good when all else was out of control. I then drummed back with my Guides, thanked them and grounded back into my room. As I type this, I now wonder if the skeletal faces I saw leaving me were my own faces of the fear of knowing that death was coming and I was helpless to prevent it! :) THat's where the joy derives!

Journey 49 - Be True to Yourself

5/4: A Journey in response to an inspiration I received in watching an Osprey dive into a pond after a meal. I’d been meditating earlier in the day on the concept that all things that exist were first thoughts in the mind of the Great Spirit, and that all things must therefore be totally true to themselves to fully honor the forming thought of Life’s Provider. Only humans fail in this. I felt I was being asked to seek out a message from the Spirit Camp in the same way the Osprey sought its prey. So after smudging and lighting the Sacred Candle, I took off, self-drumming. I was out in the back yard, and the entire world took on a violet and yellow hue. Owl arrived in three colors: Red, Green and Blue. Most of the Chakra colors were therefore present..only Orange and Purple (Sacral and Third-Eye) were absent. We sat in the Red Maple, huddling close together, as the leaves around us grew in very rapid fashion to full length. A sign that my healing will be finished by the time full bloom arrives? There then appeared a large pink dot in the Sky. We flew up into this Dot and took the Tunnel to the Upper World. At first, the Tunnel was wide, and I could see scenes of Native Life passing by me in the pink walls. Then the Tunnel narrowed and it felt as if we were traveling through an artery of the body (past life, present life). We emerged into a dark region with small brown balls suspended above us as far as one could see. We landed on the steel framework of a skyscraper, but I was not afraid of our great height. Looking inward, I saw a deep purple floor made only of light, with Eagle sitting toward the opposite corner. Eagle told me that indeed I must be true to myself, to my true calling (which is, of course, Shaman). Eagle then escorted me into a garden beyond this room where a bowl on a pedestal awaited. Eagle told me to prick the ends of my fingers each with the sharp quill end of one of his Feathers. I did so, and a small ball of blood formed on each. He then took me to the Bowl, within which was a deep purple fluid. He told me this was liquid Spirit, and I was to place my fingers within it. I did, and within seconds my fingertips were healed. Eagle told me, remember this and do it often. This was a new ritual for me to cleanse myself of all types of wounds, no doubt centered mainly in my Sacral Chakra, for which the color was missing at the start. Then, Senses All arrived and began building the pathway from my Third Eye Chakra to my Visual Cortex with her hands, to help generate this ability to see energy directly (recall this the other color missing at the start). I could feel intense energies in the front of my head as she did this. Being very tired, I was zoning out as she did this. So, I then thanked all my Guides, and returned to the room to ground myself.

Journey 48 - Visit with Dad

4/30: A most remarkably emotional Journey to the Lower World this morning, and unanticipated. I had earlier mentioned to my wife how our son’s refusal to hang with one of his friends because of excessive alcohol use reminded me of the time I had rejected my best friend at around his age for the same reason. She took this comment to launch a forceful explanation on how she is the only one who should take credit for our son’s actions, and that I little to do with any of the wise decisions he is now making. I was totally unprepared for this (even though I have seen it before), and it wounded my Aura, thereby reactivating an Imprint in my Luminous body which I soon thereafter recognized as having been with me for years. I have, since I can remember, always reacted with emotional resentment and anger when anything to do with my performance in any arena has been assaulted, questioned or undermined by anyone. And thinking of this incident this morning and my reaction to it, I knew I had to get to the source Wounding to finally rid myself of this constantly-triggering Imprint that has poisoning my Aura and Chakras over and over. And I had to do it NOW. So off I went, and I knew right away this would be a different Journey. After Smudging and lighting the Sacred Candle, I used the drum CD. I was not out back this time, but immediately carried into a wooded/flowered area, vibrant with color and pleasant aromas. It was gorgeous. Crosses in Front, my Snake Guide, emerged from a Tunnel entrance in front of me, for the first time wearing a Crown made of glistening Diamonds! Whoa!” I thought to myself, “something is up!” I met with Crosses and asked to be taken to the source Wounding that had left this deep Imprint in my Luminous Body. In fact, I humbled myself before Crosses, almost begging meekly on my knees, and in deep gratitude. Crosses led me down a very resplendent tunnel, lined with numerous, variously-colored Crystal Wands parallel to the floor as far as the eye could see. Down and down we went through this Wonder of Light. We emerged into a rather formless area, where my new Guide, Senses All, was waiting for me. Her eyes were like diamonds, and she likewise had a small crown. I told her I wished to be taken to the Source Wounding, and she took me by the hand and led me into a swirling mass. As we penetrated, Events from my Life went by me. Each was an example of how this Imprint had wounded me and caused anger and hurt. Back and back we went, past my teen years. We then came to a small room with a computer terminal in it(!), and Sense All showed me a long list of Imprint-inspired Chakra poisonings. She smiled and said she wanted me to feel more comfortable in a setting I’m used to in this life as I reviewed my history. :) As the list went further back into my early days, Senses All took me by the hand and led me back into the Swirl of Time. She took me back into the basement of my old house. I saw my Father working at his work bench. He was working on his car engine (he rebuilt it every winter when I was a baby). My mother had let me come down to be with him and walk around a bit (so I must have been two or so). I had picked up a small can of oil and was bringing it to him when it spilled. My Father was always quick to frustration and so yelled at me, telling me to leave things alone, not to help. I felt the Original Wounding occur. I ran and was crying. I now understood why as an older boy and young teenager I had such dread about going down those stairs into the cellar. Senses All then cornered me and told me that we were going to replay this incident, but this time, after the oil spill, I was to react differently. With love and forwardness. Therefore, after the spill, I ran to my Father’s legs and held them tight. I said I was sorry (at least in my mind), that I was only trying to help him. He picked me up, held me to his chest, and said it was OK. It felt SO good to hug him again, I burst into tears..right in the middle of my Journey (a first). I held him tighter and tighter, saying how good it was to be with him again, and how much I loved him. I asked him to forgive me for all the times in the future when I would refuse to help him happily because of this Original Wounding. I then told him I had to get back to my time, that I would be a much better Shaman for having come back to erase this Imprint. I held him so long, and told him I would see him again in the Spirit Camp, but it was wonderful to have held him again. I kept saying, “I love you!”, over and over, in fresh tears. Senses All then took me and said, we now will seal off the Imprint forever. She placed her hand over the Wounded area and the Imprint dissolved. She brought that part of my Luminous Body back to wholeness. I turned and looked at my Father one last time, tears welling once more. He had become a Luminous Body himself, no longer the physical Robe I was accustomed to. I turned with Senses All to begin the Journey back. I was very grateful to her, but a bit too overwrought to say so. But she knew, and I have thanked her since. She led me back to Crosses, who brought me back up the Tunnel to the grove. Crosses told me to sit a while amidst the Trees and drink in their Luminous Energy. As I did so, I became each Tree, and looked over to see myself sitting there. It was very soothing to sit in the Tree Life Forces. Crosses then led me back to my room where I grounded, eyes still wet.

Journey 47 - Alcoholic Visitor

4/28: A quick and simple Journey to remove an alcohol-craving that is still embedded within my Luminous Body. My assumption was that it is in my heritage. This came ot me last night as I watched Alberto talk of a similar incident in one of his Student’s healings. I felt that I needed to perform a soul-release ceremony on an ancestor who had an acohol-related eath, so his Luminous Body could finally escape to the Blue Road and beyond to the Spirit Camp. So after smudging and lighting the Sacred Candle, I relaxed and breathed while chanting my intention to myself. I soon found myself out back at the entrance to the Lower World Tunnel, and there was a very tiny Owl waiting for me. I shape-shifted down to his size, but he did not accompany me in. He was standing guard. Snake appeared from within the Tunnel, just as blue lines of Energy versus the traditional physical form. We went down together, and very soon were in an all-blue world with no delineation at all. We came to a bunch of bones and ashes lying on the “ground”, upon which sat a figure, all Energy, as if pensive, chin on hand. I asked him to move aside so I could release him. I assumed this was my ancestor, but a face flashed before me that was totally unknown to me. Young, short brown receding hair, and glasses. He stared at me, almost expressionless. Recall I dealt with my GF in an earlier Journey and thought I had freed him then, so apparently I had. Snakes waited off to my right. I then called in Sacred Space by praying to the 7 Directions. I then extended Sacred Space over the remnants of the body. I then walked to the side and began unraveling each Chakra. When done, I sensed that nothing much had happened, and just assumed it had worked. But it was a bit dull-ending. I closed both Sacred Spaces and drummed back. It was while I was back in the room, thinking about what had happened, that I realized that I had un-spun the Chakras in the wrong looping pattern, the reverse one. I had done it wrong! I quickly drummed myself back to the scene and re-created Sacred Space as before. This time I began to use the correct loop pattern, as every loop has to end up at the heart. Also this time, Eagle Claw was there to my left side, giving me protection, strength and guidance. I went through all the Chakras, un-spinning them and then taking them to the heart. I then pushed on the “feet” to cause the Luminous Body to release into the air, which it did as a deep-purple blob. I watched as this blob took on a human-body form and walk away. I then saw the bones and ashes disappear. I did not close off each Chakra with an “X”, the traditional ending to this Ceremony, as this person had been dead for quite a while, and was more attached to me than to its own body. Recall it was sitting on it, not trapped within it. The fact the remains vanished also shows it was not required. I then closed the Sacred Spaces and returned, thanking my guides. Thinking a little later about who it might have been, I believe I was invaded the very first night I got so drunk and fell asleep in the snow. While I survived, I think a Spirit of someone who didn’t moved into me. It has been with me ever since. Until today. So now I know my craving for alcohol is gone, and as I walked on the treadmill I felt again like the person I was in my mid teens, with no interest whatsoever in the stuff. I will still drink socially, but that is all.

Journey 46 - Emotional Wounding

4/23: A Journey to reduce and eliminate my tendency to sustain emotional wounds and to act therefore. Last night, I was quite unshamanic in spreading malicious gossip concerning and ex and future coach of ours, followed by a very aggressive response to my wife’s suggestion that I spend this morning picking up our new mattress (raining, so it was off anyway). I told my daughter last night I knew I still had weaknesses in this area, and I decided to confront them this morning. I smudged the room and lit the Sacred Candle after creating a Sacred Space by Rattling in the Powers of the 6 Directions. I began the Journey outside in back, where a Tunnel appeared in the dirt from Crosses in Front (Snake) burrowing up to meet me. His dark, uniform Spirit eyes viewed me as he broke into a Smile. By this time I had been transformed into my Energy Body only, and I could look down to see that I was crippled by a gaping hole in the lower portion, a large funnel narrowing into my body, through which emotional spears could easily enter and hurt me. We went down the Tunnel, lined in Green rings, and came out onto a forested area with beautiful pink/white flower carpets, tall Standing People, and nice fresh air. I stood and waited, hobbled over by my infirmity of Spirit. A large male appeared out of the woods and approached me. One by one, he took me through various aspects of my emotional life through which I had been and still can be wounded. First was my tendency to not completely honor the Female Spirit, even now, by not taking in the full breadth and beauty of the Female view, or by transferring MY views onto THEM to make it appear as if they were theirs, in order to justify myself. I was taken to a group of Feminine Spirits to my right, sitting around in a Circle. I stood before them and explained my behavior patterns. My tendency to view women in too physical a way, which was very strong when I was young, was still there now, albeit in a much reduced way..and still a potential source of occasional wounding caused by bringing back the feelings of the early days. They then lowered me to the ground, on my back, and uttered prayers while sending loads of energy from their fingertips into my Aura, to fix that portion of the entry funnel that was allowing wounding in this area. They sealed off that part of my Aura, allowing a healthy and correct attitude toward all of the Feminine Ways. I was then taken to a group of Children to my left, all screaming uncontrollably for their own way, unrelenting in not allowing others’ views in. My male Guide told me I was STILL like this..even though I wear the veneer of understanding to the outside world, internally I still thought in many ways of my own needs first..and then had the gall to attack others for that same property in their make-up. This area of wounding was sealed by the children gathering around me, as I was instructed to truly put others’ needs first: the Shamanic Way. Next I was taken back to see the teenagers in my high school, just to the right of center of me, who had taunted my outlooks and behaviors and friendships, to be shown that this is the a normal part of the human condition. No amount of wishing can change how we are when young, which brings a vital behavior in the building up of the adult human Spirit. One cannot be wounded by such action when one realizes that the attacker has no real choice..too underdeveloped. The teenage Spirit was healed in my Aura, so that I am able to allow such attacks from anyone with no wounding. I was then taken to a grouping of rich people to my right, who likewise were shown to have no choice in their actions. Collection of wealth was their Sacred Path, and they had to answer for their own Spiritual growth. It was up to me to allow their Paths, not hate them and resent them for it, or to take their lack of caring personally. My Aura was sealed concerning this wounding potential. Finally, I was allowed to view all these groupings of People as Spirit Energy only, and while some had lesser Spirit boldness than others, we were all nonetheless all the same in our bold blue lines of flowing Power. We then all came together and embraced as a unified force of both human and eternal Spirit. I was allowed to feel total Love for each and every one. I then thanked my male Guide, Crosses, and returned to my room to contemplate this amazing visit. What was interesting is that wounding by co-workers and immediate family members was NOT included in the Aura healing. This shows I have already taken control of these aspects of my Spiritual Health, and am dealing with them correctly. I am not surprised, since I feel I have grown to meet these occasional challenges quite well.

Journey 45 - PA for Wife's Best Friend's Mom

4/21/04: A Journey to acquire a Power Animal to help my wife’s friend's mom fight her cancer. Since I have given a Tiger to another friend’s Mom this weekend, it is only right I use my Shamanic skills to help my wife’s best friend and her mom. I went out to the recently dug hole by the Bird feeder to await Crosses in Front, my Snake Guide. The Sky Nation was very starry despite the brightness of the day, and short, bright Beams of Rainbow Light were issuing forth from the Star People and coming to Earth, like phaser-shots from the Star Ship Enterprise. These Beams were striking the Earth at random, and hitting some of the Standing People nearby. Snake appeared as an Aura only, with light blue lines suggesting a Snake shape with no obvious physicality. I soon took on this appearance as well! We went together into the Tunnel beyond this Hole, and as we went further down, we could see the ground was transparent, and the Sky was still “shooting” Rainbow light-surges at the surface. As these struck the nearby Tree People, the Rainbow Light came down the Roots and ended at the Root tips as a brilliant but very small speck of burning white Light..like a tiny Sun. We went deeper into the Tunnel and soon emerged from it onto a Bank by a River. In the distance I could see a large Whirlpool of Rainbow Light swirling around in the Sky. I knew I needed to get beneath it. Eagle appeared and took me gently in his Claws and flew me over the to the area beneath this gigantic Swirl of brilliant color. At this site, there was a small corral bounded by branches and twigs. I sat within and waited. Soon, a Chimpanzee appeared in one corner, and I told him I had come to seek a Power Animal for the mom. The Chimp was my go-between with the PA camp. Soon, a Penguin appeared. We walked over to a point directly beneath the Whirlpool. Our Energy fields merged, and I sensed life as a Penguin for a short time. Then, as we separated, Penguin dissolved and was absorbed up into the Whirlpool as a beam of Light. Penguin is associated with slipping out of the body within full consciousness. I then saw this Beam shoot over to fall onto our friend’s mom..PA delivered! Penguin was dancing around her, so I knew he was helping already. I thanked my Guides and came back to the room. Penguin also implies “lucid dreaming”, and as you dream, you become aware of the dream and can THEN CHANGE IT. There is a two-month cycle associated with Penguin and egg protection, so this implies our friend’s mom will experience a two-month period of sickness-related dreams. It is essential she change the outcome to Healing when these occur. The male takes on a female role during this period. Also, I read by chance in an other book that sitting by the ocean is VERY healing..and therefore our friend should take her mom to the beach and sit there with her as often as possible. Finally, the white light at the tips of the Tree roots implies to me that her mom has to go all the way back to her roots, and cleanse any issues from that earliest of times that are still weighing on her.

Journey 44 - Cleansing Personal Imprints

4/16/04: A Journey to cleanse my Luminous Body of Crystallized Energies and Imprints. A Shaman must fully heal himself/herself before truly being effective at healing others. I undertook this Journey right after a Smoke, and was already prepared and in the Spirit Way. I re-smudged the room and lay down, and used the long version of Meadow’s CD Drumming. As the prep drumming rang out in my ears, I asked Crosses In Front, my Snake Lower World Guide, to meet me at the Hole that has been dug next to the Bird feeder out back in recent weeks by a Four-legged. As I breathed more deeply and slowly, concentrating on the purpose of my Journey, I waited at the Hole while shrinking to the size of a tiny Frog. Then, Crosses came out of the adjacent woods to be with me. We went into the Tunnel together. Crosses suggested Black Panther come with us, who appeared immediately, and so we all proceeded downward, Crosses at my right, Panther at my left. Very soon, the foulest odor began filling the Tunnel. It has no effect on my Guides, but I was getting very nauseated. I knew it was coming from my own Spiritual imperfections. I finally had to stop, and I wretched for minutes. Piles of seething white maggots emerged from my innards, accompanied soon by green masses, brown fluids, and finally black shiny bits that seemed to have a life of their own, and to represent the crystallized Energy within my Luminous Body. My whole mid-section was wracked with such debilitating pain that I could barely move. Once the pain subsided, I had to pull myself along on my stomach to move toward fresh Water I heard flowing a bit further down. As I came near the bank of this small Rivulet, I sensed a powerful, Black wall of Energy in my way. I was much too weak to deal with this, and so I began chanting my Rainbow Healing song, Westu Waja Wasaji, and saw the Rainbow rays pouring down into my Aura. I saw my hands turn from flesh to pure Energy, a light white-blue in color. I then proceeded to shoot beams of color, one at a time, from my fingertips into this mass, until it was no longer in my way. I then crawled to the Rivulet. I saw the female Face of the Water Spirit there. She told me of the Power of Feminine Medicine as I peered into her waters from the bank’s edge. She reminded me how Two-legged Females are unique in the ability to give birth to new Life, our children. In so doing, they are the ones who manifest into physical being the Original Thought in the mind of the Great Mystery that the new baby represents. They therefore the closest to the Great Mystery’s movement..Its direct messengers of Life, if you will. Therefore, they are to be honored like no others. She also reminded me that the Female Two-leggeds are like Mother Earth, who likewise spends her Time bringing Great Mystery’s thoughts into being here. Creation of Life is the direct link to Great Spirit. By honoring this Female Power, I could then fall into her Waters and bathe and refresh myself. And so I did so honor this Medicine and enter the Stream. I found myself floating in her essence in total Peace, breathing the Water as if it were Air. Once cleansed, I came back out onto the bank. I caused a small Fire to begin from leafy materials there, using the energies from my fingertips to light the leaves. I sat there with Snake and Panther curled at my side. As they guarded me, I fell into restful sleep, with dreams unrecalled, until the signal drumming at the end of the period called me back. I thanked my Guides and Water Spirit for the lesson and help. I grounded myself to Mother Earth, and returned.

Journey 43 - Son's Dreams

4/8: My son reported to me this morning that he had been having recurrent dreams the past few nights about breaking up with his girl. I initially told him someone had sent him a spear of anger or revenge, but promised to investigate further. So I took a Journey after work today to see what is going on. I smudged the room with Sage and Sweet Grass, and lit the Sacred Candle to represent the Inner Light. I decided to scoot over to where I had earlier in the day seen a perfect-Tipi shaped Cloud Person, a good entry point to the Upper World. I thought at first I might try calling in the Harrier to take me up there, but then remembered what happened the last time I used an “unauthorized” Guide. So I called on Owl. While I was waiting, the inner part of the Tipi became embroiled in glowing blue Energy..the Tunnel entrance. Owl then appeared, and he was likewise covered in the blue glow. I went up to sit with him and we immediately took off. As we flew up I could see our environs for miles. We arrived at the Tunnel entrance and went in. As we traveled, I could see the blue Energy flowing by me, and it was thin enough that I could also see the white Cloud matter surrounding it like a thin blanket. A very cool-looking Tunnel indeed! There was a purple tinge to the blue part as well. We finally emerged onto a very flat, dark red plain, the color suggesting to me that we were dealing with a base Chakra problem. The “sky” was black above..more than likely not sky at all but the Void. A room (walls only) appeared before us, red-orange in color. We went in and sat on the single Bench. A Table appeared before us, likewise red-orange. A tiny, brilliant gold and glowing Tipi appeared in the center of the Table. We morphed down to size and walked along the Table and into the Tipi. There was a single figure inside, dressed so that I could not make out features very well. The figure advised me to investigate my son’s Aura, and to pick a place to so that. So I chose to view him as he first gets up, towel around his waist, coming into the kitchen. I froze his motion there and checked his colors. His base Chakra was all dark and colorless. This meant he has disconnected from Mother Earth, and by extension from Female Energy. I knew he must reconnect and honor Feminine Energy to correct his relationship with his girlfriend. So it was NOT an external attack after all. I then sought a Power Animal to help cleanse his Aura. My Alligator showed up first, suggesting a need for a strong nibbler/consumer. Raccoon showed up next, but bared his teeth at me from a distance, telling me this was not the right choice. Fox walked by indifferently. Armadillo likewise. Then my Totem Black Panther walked by, as if to help me find the right choice. Then Rabbit appeared, and Rabbit was willing. I saw Rabbit hopping into my son’s base Aura Field, turning a dark blue/black due to the sludge there. Rabbit would collect some sludge, then emerge from the Aura to shake off the dark Energy. This process began repeating, so I knew it would continue. I then returned to the golden Tipi to thank the Figure and my Owl Guide. The Figure walked to me and revealed her face (it was a SHE!). She told me her name was “Senses All”, and she moved to cleanse the little bit of darkness matter attached to MY base Aura Field, sweeping it away with her hands. I thanked her very much, thanked Owl, and back we flew to my room. Since this Journey, I have decided I would like to meet with Senses All more..perhaps she can help me accelerate my ability to read Auras and other Spirit Energies. A final word: Rabbit is associated with strong fear (actually a great survival tool if used properly), but also with fertility, and the ability to hop from one project to another. A very good Medicine for a young man to have!

Journey 42 - Spirit of Sweetness

4/404: A mini-Journey early this morning to visit with the Spirit of Sweetness to discover why I still have such a need to snack and ingest sweets of various types when I get home every day. I performed this Journey without drumming, an advanced Shamanic technique. I found myself on the Spirit Plains at night, with several fires around which Elders were sitting. I was at one of those fires. I saw the rainbow-tipped Tipis nearby, common to my Spiritual Plains. Off in the distance beyond some woods, I saw a large Tipi tip sticking up with Purple and Green colors only. This was the Tipi of the Spirit of Sweetness. Black Panther came along and we began to walk toward this Tipi, once I told him I wanted to meet with the Spirit there. We walked through a long and winding path amidst Brush and Trees, with granulated sugar covering the ground as we got closer. Powered sugar began to fall from the sky and covered us both as we walked. I was struck that the imagery was from my current existence, and not from past lives. This told me I was actually meeting with the right Spirit. We got to a huge Stone Person and sensed to stop there..we never made it to the Tipi. The Spirit came out to meet us. At first, it stood very high on the Stone, towering over us and made up of light chocolate edged in powered sugar. But quickly Sweet Spirit sized down to a small, pale white figure that crouched as it talked to me. I believe this was to show that I need not be afraid of the original towering size..nothing major to overcome Spirit told me that me need for sugar was a result of a lack of self-esteem I brought home with me. I need to work more on the belief-conversion I’m undergoing and concentrate solely on the skills and good accomplishments and qualities of my life and self. Only then, when my esteem is very high, will I not need to “medicate” to feel good. I thanked him and my Panther totem and returned to the room.

Journey 42 - Duplicate

4/404: A mini-Journey early this morning to visit with the Spirit of Sweetness to discover why I still have such a need to snack and ingest sweets of various types when I get home every day. I performed this Journey without drumming, an advanced Shamanic technique. I found myself on the Spirit Plains at night, with several fires around which Elders were sitting. I was at one of those fires. I saw the rainbow-tipped Tipis nearby, common to my Spiritual Plains. Off in the distance beyond some woods, I saw a large Tipi tip sticking up with Purple and Green colors only. This was the Tipi of the Spirit of Sweetness. Black Panther came along and we began to walk toward this Tipi, once I told him I wanted to meet with the Spirit there. We walked through a long and winding path amidst Brush and Trees, with granulated sugar covering the ground as we got closer. Powered sugar began to fall from the sky and covered us both as we walked. I was struck that the imagery was from my current existence, and not from past lives. This told me I was actually meeting with the right Spirit. We got to a huge Stone Person and sensed to stop there..we never made it to the Tipi. The Spirit came out to meet us. At first, it stood very high on the Stone, towering over us and made up of light chocolate edged in powered sugar. But quickly Sweet Spirit sized down to a small, pale white figure that crouched as it talked to me. I believe this was to show that I need not be afraid of the original towering size..nothing major to overcome Spirit told me that me need for sugar was a result of a lack of self-esteem I brought home with me. I need to work more on the belief-conversion I’m undergoing and concentrate solely on the skills and good accomplishments and qualities of my life and self. Only then, when my esteem is very high, will I not need to “medicate” to feel good. I thanked him and my Panther totem and returned to the room.

Journey 41 - Kundalini

3/31 – Journey to witness my Kundalini unfolding and to learn how to use this new energy to better myself. My Owl Guide came in over me right inside the bedroom, wings flapping, and grabbed me with his talons. We began to fly immediately, with my face pressed into his breast, so I could only see the Tunnel we were flying up into passing obliquely. His wings made no noise as we went. The Tunnel was made of purple and green spots of light, though. We went passed several places to which I had journeyed previously, and as each went by, I wondered if we were going to stop there. But no, we went to a place above all the places I had previously been. We landed and sat on the bright-green, glowing top branch of a Tree sitting in the middle of a very deep blue field of undulating energy, with the appearance of veils. Owl, to my right, was very blue himself. I looked up and saw Eagle flying in from above, and he hovered overhead. Off in the distance I saw Black Panther stalking along, stopping a distance in front of me. All my primary Totems were arriving! I looked below and saw the Snake of my prior Journey climbing up the trunk of our Tree, mouth wide open and golden eyes ablaze. Snake looked as if he were coming to eat, and he was. Just below me, suspended in mid “air”, were red blocks containing the various thought-habits and beliefs that have been with me for years. I saw the block representing my belief as a teenager that girls could never find me attractive. I saw the belief that sports figures in high school thought me a fool. Other beliefs were there, and one by one Snake was chowing them down. With each eaten block, his Eyes lit up as two powerful rainbow beams that shot the reclaimed energy up into my brain. I looked above me and saw a canopy of rainbow colored energy suspended over me. I saw Eagle’s shape outlined within. I saw my Aura rising up toward this ceiling, and as each block got consumed, the color from the transformed energy would zoom up to brighten the corresponding color in my Aura. Each lost belief made my Aura stronger through the shot of rainbow energy from Snake’s eyes. A set of musical notes kept playing..a mantra for me, which I memorized. I then looked up to see that my Shaman’s symbol (an “S” with a parenthesis in the upper right quadrant, and a dot within each loop of the “S”) was actually part of a figure 8 enclosed within a Circle, two of the most potent images in all of Native thought! In other words, my Shaman life was still unfinished, but was within reach. I soon rose above even my own Aura and the cap above it, and was looking down on them. My essence had escaped my spirituality! I was suspended above, floating as awareness. All around me was sheer blackness, but a feeling of total allness and union within the nothingness. I moved further and further out until my Aura was a mere speck in this darkness, and still I felt the total unity with my surroundings. I realized I exist beyond my current self, even the spiritual being! I felt calm, peace, warmth, forever, no stress, nothing important.. It made my current existence seem so trivial, but in a nice way. I soon came back to my Aura, and from there went back down to the Tree. I was amazed at how calm and “one” I felt. Owl hugged me from my right, and Eagle landed to hug me from my left. I was safely ensconced within each set of breast feathers, and felt like a young chick within the total protection of the blanket. It was warm and soothing there. Then, Owl flew me back to the room, and I drummed back, thanking my Guides. Lying there, re-grounding to this existence, I felt that total peace of the Void remain with me, and was hardly breathing..as if breath didn’t matter anymore. I looked at my Journey candle and saw my totality within its dancing, small flame. I am that flame.. I intend to revisit this part of my existence again.

Journey 40 - California Entanglement

3/27: I took a Journey today to visit with my dear friend and co-worker’s brother and sister-in-law out in Sylmar, CA. Apparently, there are relationship problems and he additionally has an injury that is keeping him at home for a while. I told my friend I would try to visit via Journey and see if I could do something to enlighten the situation. I went into the Red Maple via imagination and awaited my Owl escort, who came almost instantly. There was a golden Hole up in the Clouds, and we went for it. As we passed through the Tunnel, we both turned a bright, shimmering gold ourselves. We exited the Tunnel into a Sky of white, puffy clouds. We flew over the Grand Canyon and on into California in a matter of seconds. We landed in a tree next to the house, which appeared to me to be single story with a red, shingled/clay tablet roof. I did not see the whole structure, though, so I cannot be sure of its actual footprint and size. I saw the brother slumped on a couch watching TV. The wife was doing something, but I can no longer translate my post-Journey scribble. It reads like “eslinder” but I’m not sure what it was/is supposed to say. I spotted a huge Black Snake encompassing the entire house, coiled around it and within it. I also noticed both people’s Auras. Brother’s was almost all gray with just hints of color here and there. Wife’s was very dark gray to black and totally without color. Both are therefore almost totally shut down spiritually. I handed Brother a copy of my healing Rainbow Energy Feather, but he did not react as I put it in his hand. It had no effect. This was another of those unusual Journeys during which I spent most of it asleep. I WAS very tired, and so that is not surprising. Several very powerful images did present themselves, though, during the 20 minutes. I saw a young schoolgirl who was very smart and with great potential, a sense that came to me from things going on around her that did not come back with me, but the impressions did. I also saw someone (was it me?) reaching up into a pregnant girl’s womb to help extract a baby. I was also aware that during a large part of this trip I had grabbed the bedding next to me with my right hand and was holding onto it in a very tight bunch..almost like I was keeping myself grounded to Mother Earth. It felt just like a mound of dirt. Perhaps I was seeking Fire Medicine for strength. I recall returning to the house long enough to see a Salamander seemingly on its back next to Brother, which I took to be his equally unresponsive Power Animal. The next thing I knew the Journey was over, the drumming had ceased. I quickly self-drummed back to the room through a nearly instantaneously trip back from CA to bedroom. But I felt very uneasy that I had not traveled back correctly. Therefore, after about 5 minutes I took my Drum and drummed back correctly. During this time, Owl came to me and said it was not my fault that I had not been able to help, and that I could try again later. I derived comfort from that. But when I lay down again I and closed my eyes, I saw Owl’s face, then two dark eyes peering at me, looking a lot like the Snake’s. I then felt a huge tingling feeling run up my entire body, and I could sense the Snake coiling up around the center of my energy spine. As this was occurring, I felt so very alive and aware, and many memories of past events ran past me in great clarity and emotion. I had had the strong feeling ever since I came back that I had brought the Snake back with me. I have since thought that perhaps the Snake Medicine alone came. In any case, several books reference the uncoiling on the Kundalini Energy in the Base Chakra as a major step forward in Shamanism. I truly believe this is what happened to me as I lay there and felt the energy snaking up my spine. I felt SO enlivened and well from that. It would seem on further reflection that the Snake was there to enliven Brother and his wife, but when I came along it decided to give me that gift instead. So now I am really in the mode of shedding all the old skin, the former me, and in a new and profound way. Apparently, the Spirits decided that I need some work before I begin working on very difficult situations such as that on CA. So this Journey ended up with me unleashing my own Kundalini Energy..a great gift indeed.

Journey 39 - Prep for Counseling Apointment

3/18: A Journey simply to meet with my Power Animal (Eagle) and strengthen myself for the best possible results at tonight’s meeting. After smudging and lighting the Sacred Candle, I took off using the short version of the Meadows CD and began to focus on my intention, repeating it over and over until I was set to travel. I met Snake in the back yard and we zoomed around a bit looking for the Earth-opening of choice for this Trip. We traveled over the snow and finally went to where the Spirit Prayer Lodge is..and there stood the Tipi, all rainbow colored and so inviting. We went inside and into the Circle of Prayer People to a hole in the exact center of the Earth floor, and down we went. The walls of the Dirt Tunnel were covered in bright red Strawberries, and snake told me to enjoy a few on the way down, so I did. As we broke through the bottom of the Tunnel, we were hovering in the sky over the edge of a tremendously high Cliff, and situated about ¼ of the way down was a large outgrowth of Tree Branches with a large, embedded nest. Snake lowered me down the Cliff side into the Nest. It was sunset as I went down, and the sun went behind the opposing horizon. It darkened quickly, but while still twilight a very large Eagle came swooping into the nest. He was outlined in a soft, specked field of golden light. He placed me under his wings as if I were an Eaglet. He then spoke gently to me. He told me that I have been trying to deny my female side by repressing my emotional outbursts as bad. He said I was transferring my dislike of my own “feminine” emotional tirades onto my wife’s. (This is not a sexist remark..women traditionally are considered the more emotional half of the species.) Therefore, I was transferring the dislike as well. He told me I had to love and embrace my outbursts so I could likewise love and embrace my wife as well. He told me to honor who she is, her Path, completely, not to try to change it or get away from it or dislike it. He also told me to remain true to my budding Shamanism as well! He told me that is why the Hawk flew right over the house this morning..it was to honor my steadfast devotion to Shamanic prayer, teachings and forward movement, especially over the pat 24 hours or so. Still, I must not dishonor others’ Paths in any way. Also, my wife does not have to honor your Path..that is a western concept of marriage. Only I must honor my Path of Truth and Growth of my Spirit Self. This also means honoring who my wife is completely without changing her..that is the Shaman’s Way. He then took my Eagle and Owl Charms and brought them to the top of my Crown Chakra. He had them melt slowly into my Top Chakra so they could flow as liquid gold through each Chakra, down in succession. As I lay in bed I could feel the gold spin through each of the 7 centers, and then the two charms emerged at the bottom as themselves again. Eagle told me that the Spirit Essence of the Eagle and Owl Charms were now totally wrapped up in my Spirit Body, so that now both the Physical and Spiritual Bodies were wearing them. I then saw Two Feathers and Gray Wolf approach, and they lay down with me beneath Eagle’s Wing, and we all fell asleep. I now I dreamed, but they were typical dreams. When I awoke, I saw a young Eagle’s head outlined in gold perfectly in my visual cortex. Was it me? My PA? I thanked Eagle, TF and GW, and Snake and I returned. I thanked Snake, returned to the room, grounded, and awoke. I then pulled a Medicine Card to see what new instruction the Spirits might have for me. I went through the deck 4 times, as the first three picks were turned down by my Power Animal, Eagle (with whom I had just been speaking, of course. J) The fourth pick was OK’d, and when I turned the card over I was totally amazed. It was Hummingbird..MY WIFE’S new Totem! Talk about honoring her Path! Even better is Ted Andrew’s words concerning Hummingbird..to allow one’s feminine side to emerge (!) (“the Feminine to which we must give birth and expression to find our own joy”), and to “find the miracle of joy” in “accomplishing what seems inpossible.” I was very grateful for this very obvious and direct communication. I then rubbed my forehead with my Crystal Wand to increase my Shamanic vision, a new technique I’ve learned. End of Journey session.

Journey 38 - Guidance for Tomorrow's Meeting

3/17: A Journey for guidance on how best to advance love and togetherness at our counseling meeting tomorrow evening. After smudging and lighting a Sacred Candle, I used the Meadows CD as my Drumming. Very quickly, I saw a large Standing Person (Tree) bathed in a very deep Red Light. As I approached this Tree, I was in awe of the deepness of the coloring. As I climbed up the Tree, I noticed it was not the Tree itself that was red, but a thin veil of Light surrounding it that produced this vibrant hue. I climbed to the Tree top and waited, and very soon a Peace Eagle (!) came zooming down to get me. This is the first time a PE has been my Guide. We took off, me on its back, and zoomed toward a very red Circle on the horizon. I knew red was the color of the East, the Direction of Insight and Wisdom, so this would be a fruitful Journey. We reached the Circle and then soared up a Tunnel of red Light for a while, but soon the Tunnel Walls began displaying beautiful and exotic fruits that whizzed by us. Eagle snatched off a few to eat. Colors were very bright. We then exited the Tunnel into the Upperworld, where I was now standing on a plain covered in short, vibrantly-colored Plants. As I turned to view the Scene, I saw the Hotel in which our counseling appointment will be. Eagle Claw met me as Owl, and we went in together. We floated up through the floors, and found ourselves in the meeting room. Several times I asked to see the face of the person we’ll be meeting with, but the Spirits did not think I needed that info. Instead, they presented me with a scene of my younger children playing on the floor together. My son was about 5, my daughter 7. They were playing with a large ball, and I got the strong sense of family unity from this scene..a reminder of how it was when we were truly unified as a family. This meant Family was Job 1 still for me..the most important message of this Journey is that I must act as if we were still in that formative stage. The scene then shifted to a round table, around which sat modern day daughter and son. My son spoke the most, and said I had confused them with my Sacred Path approach..that whatever happens, happens, and it is my job as Father to merely note it but not intervene any more than necessary. They said this appeared to them as a distancing, a weaker love. I also was shown that by trying to smooth out feelings and explain why Mom was acting as she did to her son, instead of supporting her, I was causing the appearance of disunity between us, encouraging the kids to do their own thing and ignore us. The old divide and conquer. My wife has told me my actions say the same thing to her. I was also told by * my Spirit Guide to explain more to my kids about the things I’ve learned about the Spirit Life, so they could see I’m actually acting with more love, not less. He told me my wife and I must speak in one voice at all times. He also asked me to be more tolerant of my wife’s different ways. Her deep fears, angers, need to be in total control, and to always be right were all part of her life, important parts, and I should honor them. But He also said that she must honor my life values. Only by talking these wide difference in style out, and coming to some sort of middle ground, can we be successful at raising the kids past their teens. The meeting at the table then ended. I then brought my son to the Sacred Tree of Life, to give him strength to handle his upcoming challenges in school. I smoked with the Guardians and passed the Pipe to my son. I asked about his F in English and was told to ask his teacher what he must do to get a D or C, and make sure he does it. Concerning his lying, this was a very serious offense, and he should be made aware that if it continues, he will be shunned from family wealth and guidance, for being untrustworthy makes it hard for him to continue being part of the Sacred Circle. I thanked Eagle Claw and the Guardians for their advice. Peace Eagle and I then flew back, and I was allowed to absorb all the red energy from the tree from which we’d departed. Apparently I’ll need it. I then drummed back to the room and grounded.

* Indicates where the phone rang and my wife told me our son had been in his first auto accident. It was not his fault, but his first car was totalled.

Journey 37 - Badly Ill Aunt

3/12: Inspired by Mike H’s book and the treatment on Shamanic Healing from a distance, I undertook a Journey today to try to heal an elderly woman, aunt of a person I speak with daily at one of my deliveries. She is badly ill in a nursing home and the last remaining relative of this person, and so I felt compelled to use my Shaman’s Powers to help. I smudged the room as usual and breathed to relax. Snake was soon with me in the back yard, and we bypassed the usual Chipmunk hole near the feeding area and went slithering off together into the woods. We arrived at a tree stump with a thick branch sticking out at the bottom, into which an Animal had bored a large enough hole for us to go down through. Down we went. We passed the immediate layer underground where Roots can be seen as if suspended in Air. We soon went deeper, and ended up in a Clearing near a Forest. There was a bay of Water off to our right. Above us, the Stars shone brightly in the bright blue afternoon Sky, so I knew we were in the Lower World. We sat on a Stump and talked. Snake actually talked to me for the first time and said we should wait, for the Power Animal we were looking for was quite a distance away yet, and we would do well to be patient. This was the first conversation I have had with Snake, and shows we are getting much closer as a team. At my feet was a perfectly round Stone Person, and I picked this up and held it in my hands as I kept repeating the purpose of my Journey (holding a Stone Person during Prayers is part of my morning Ritual). Snake then suggested I stand up and use the Rattle that was suddenly beside me to beseech each of the Directions. Beginning in the East, I did so. As I finished up in the West, a very large Turtle was suddenly before me. It had a thin layer of rainbow-speckled light surrounding its head and shell, so I knew it was a Power Animal. I asked if it was the woman’s PA, and it nodded yes. I knew Turtle was representative of Mother Earth, and was a great example of Feminine Medicine. I asked her to return to the aunt and bring healing to her by re-energizing her aura. At that point, Turtle and snake BOTH took off and FLEW through the air left of and over the bay and disappeared. As I sat there, the Woman in a Grass Dress (hangs on my wall as a Shaman’s doll) walked up in the flesh and sat down beside me. She still wore her mask and grass skirt, but had nicely brown arms and legs. She told me to use my Sheshi chant she had given me many Journeys ago to invoke the Rainbow Rays of Healing, which I did over and over. Suddenly, we were in the aunt’s room at the nursing home. I watched as Turtle climbed into the Aunt’s Chakra and subsequently as her Aura turned into a brilliant rainbow hue, totally re-energized. I spoke to the Aunt and told her to accept the Power Animal and to heal herself with it. I told her the niece wanted her to live longer, and she should heal and remain with her as long as her Sacred Path allowed. Get better and live, I said. Then, I was back in the clearing. Woman in a Grass Dress was with me. I thanked her and told her there were other females to heal...and she put her finger on my lips and said, “Shhh..I know. You’ll be back. Let’s heal one person at a time.” Snake the returned to me as I sat on the Stump, and we rapidly came back up the Tunnel, through the Woods and into my room. I grounded myself to Mother Earth and drummed back to this time and place.

Journey 36 - Shamanic Training: Body Death

3/2: I took a Journey this morning, but for the first time with the intent of allowing my Teachers to choose which of two Paths would be best for me to go on. I had an equal pull in two directions, so I asked them to lead me to the one most suitable for me at this point in my Training. Should I explore my Black Panther Medicine further, or face my own Death in full to strengthen my Shamanism. I began drumming after smudging the room. I quickly found myself in a glass-enclosed Tower. A Bald Eagle came soaring right up to the Glass in front of me with talons and beak open, as if trying to get through to me. Was it anger, or desperation? Was it to startle me into action? Am I still too closed off from Eagle Medicine..is my nest still too low? An interesting beginning. Suddenly, my first Journey Guide, Snake (Crosses in Front), was at my feet, urging me to follow him down the grate in the floor, which I did. We went down into a dark Tunnel to the Lower World. He stood by me as all my clothes fell off. The surroundings were muddy, rocky and bathed in a very dark Blue light. I found myself now walking into an ice-cold stream, which hurt my feet lot. Still I pushed forward, having decided by now that this Journey was to be about my Death. We moved up into a Jungle area, where a Figure dressed in all black greeted me. As I walked up an incline, numerous bugs like Green Heads were attacking my all over, taking huge chunks of flesh from me. It was very distracting and painful, as they were biting my face and head as well, but I moved on nonetheless. The attacks stopped as I reached a Stone Slab at a crest of a Hill overlooking a River far below to my left. I lay down as Snake stood and the Black Figure sat at a distance by me. I waited for Night. When it arrived, I could see many lit Tipis and hand-held torches around me, well down the Hill and surrounding me. A Black Panther then came out of the night and up to me, beckoning me to follow. I did, and she led me to a lit-in-yellow, straw-filled bed beneath a large number of leaf-less bush branches that all had a soft white Aura along their lengths. As we lay down together, I became a Black Panther cub, with my mother beside me, offering protection. At this point, Jen knocked on my door, and for the first time I had to totally suspend a Journey. I put Medicine on her tattoo, and when she left I went back to my Journey. Part of being a Shaman is the ability to be able to jump between Worlds, so I knew this interruption was to be no problem. I merely retraced my steps back to where I had left off, and was fully involved once again. Then, some humanoid figures came to the straw bed where we were lying, and attacked and killed the large Panther at my side with long spears. But they kidnapped me, wrapping me in a blanket and carrying me through the Jungle. I took a canoe trip as well, as I could hear and feel the water. When the trip was over, I was released from my blanket and placed in an arena with a high cliff overlooking it. There were several Tigers stalking at the other end..obviously meant for me. I was a human, and naked, once again. My Spirit Guides were all along the ridge of the Cliff, watching me. In a new twist, though, my immediate family was along the fence, pleading with me not to go through with this. My wife was crying to me to the extreme, and my son was yelling at me not to do this. My daughter was sobbing, and my grandaughter was also calling to me. I found myself filling with tears and felt an intense longing to go back to them. I was soon taken into a Cave to sit alone, but their voices came through holes in the wall, pleading with me. My grandaughter snuck in and was walking toward me, calling my name..but a figure came and snatched her away. I was going berserk with confusion. I was crying, full of doubt about what to do. I had never felt panic like this in a Journey. My breathing was fast. I believe a Power Animal came in to walk by me for a few seconds, but I can’t recall which..probably Squirrel or Woodchuck..a smaller being, for sure. I felt such an intense longing to just be with my family, but felt by making that choice I would be giving up all the progress I had made so far. I would have to go back to being the old me, the person I was before I began the Native Walk. I spoke to myself, and told myself I was only destroying the weak and older parts of that “old” me, that by going through this date with the Tigers that I would emerge an even better person for my wife and children. I wanted so badly for them to understand that I had to do this so I could be a more effective love and healer for them..but all I heard were their cries and beggings. I filled my heart with Love and Intent, and determined I would return to them from this Event..but had to go through it. Love would carry me through. I went out to face the Tigers, and offered them no resistance. One tore into my right chest, the other engulfed my head. It was a very short time before I found myself hovering over my torn and bloody body. One of the Tigers looked up at me and grinned wildly, and told me, “you can never go back.” I did not feel that way, and insisted to myself that I would. The only reason I went through this was so I COULD go back and be a better Shaman. Two of my Spirit Guides appeared, and also told me I had made my choice and could not go back. I insisted I be allowed to return. They then took my Spirit to a Cave, where I was fed a red vegetable-like glop with purple and green specks. Who knows what it was. But after eating, I found myself along in a cocoon made of rainbow light. Before me, on my Visual Cortex, was the clear image of a Lion. He began to extract thin black spears from my Spirit Robe, one by one. The cocoon then closed in on me, and I felt myself rushing back to my room. I drummed myself back and took in Mother Earth’s Energy. I was shaken and nervous from this Journey, but felt I had accomplished a cleansing and a new commitment to the Path. Believe me, listening to my wife begging me filled me with remorse and doubt and longing..but I knew it was for her benefit that I had to go through the Tiger Mauling. Typing this several hours later, I feel a new calm and belonging, a new Oneness with Life. I have some things left to interpret, such as Eagle flying at me to begin with, the death of the Mother Panther, the meaning of the glop I was fed, which Power Animal came to strengthen me..but it was obvious the Shamanic Death Journey was the more important of the two options I placed before my Guides.

Journey 35 - Spirit Nest Raising

3/1: Took a Journey this AM to discover how to raise my Spirit Nest higher, as instructed yesterday. I smudged the room with both Sage and Sweet Grass before self-drumming, and then performed the Shamanic breath to relax myself while keeping my mind totally focused on the purpose of the Journey. I soon found myself standing amidst a huge field of wild flowers, with vibrant colors. This did not last long, though, for soon all turned to complete darkness. I was suspended above a landscape with virtually no lights, just dark shapes. Owl joined me, completely camouflaged in black..only a tiny glint in his eyes could be seen. He covered me in blackness as well in order to keep me invisible. We soared along above this bleakness, and it occurred to me that what lay below was not Earth, but some other remote place. Then, a few energy balls of brilliant color began to zoom by us, leaving tails of light. It occurred to me than that we were in the sub-atomic level, and those were atomic particles zipping by us! There was a bright band of light on the horizon at which we very soon arrived. We were then inside this energy field, which was a pink/orange color, and has the consistency of liquid taffy. I found myself slowing down to a “sloggy” crawl as I became covered in the stuff. I looked ahead and saw a tree, of normal color and depth, the only object in this goop so attired. As I struggled over to it and looked up, I could see the top was WAY up there, barely visible, sort of like a red wood seen from its roots but even more extended. I latched onto the bark of the tree and realized I was to make my nest higher by climbing up the side. But, I found then I was laden down with issues from my current life. I tried to remove three of them that have followed me for years. The first became a monster/insect that instead of falling attached itself to the bark beside me. I waited, and then it moved down to my right leg and clamped hard into it. I took the second issue, threw it off, and it became another creature that moved to my left and swallowed up my left hand up to the mid forearm. I threw a third issue down and it became a series of weights tied to my legs. I was stuck right in place, and realized that no amount of physical effort would help me..things were in fact getting more difficult. I then recalled reading just last night that Shamans can generate huge amounts of heat from their bodies, and I instead focused on doing the same. My limbs turned red hot, and the three encumbrances finally dropped off. Here I was, free to climb, but was missing my right foot and left hand, and the rest of my flesh was charred beyond use. I looked up and saw a small opening in the tree, and thought my way up to it, since I couldn’t move physically. Sitting on a branch next to the opening was Owl, and he told me to fall inside the opening. I did, and washed immediately awash with the Tree’s cooling and living Sap. I felt myself rising up the tree and eventually burst out the top. From there, I could see blue Sky and Sun, with other empty Tree Tops around me. The nearby ones had the names of my wife and children/grandchild. I was alone at this peak. I then found myself asking Great Spirit to come and meld with me. I then became one with all the things of this existence in quick sequence, including animals, rocks, etc. I then found all of creation moving down within my rainbow Aura surrounding my body. I saw the planets and stars all comfortably within my Energy Field. I felt a great and peaceful love for them, and all the living things within them. Then, Owl swooped by and took me back, down into the dark zone and into a Pipe which led to a sewer opening on my street. From there, I came back to my room. I thanked Great Spirit and Owl, and found myself breathing very slowly as I re-grounded into this existence. What an astonishing trip..I think I know how to raise my nest now, using Trees as my Guide to getting to the top, shedding myself of issues in the process. As always, completely Oneness with and Love for all of Creation is a must.

Journey 34 - Weakness in Limbs of Spirit Sister

2/26: I took a Journey this afternoon to explore the weakness a dear friend is feeling in her limbs. I called on my Hawk Totem as I went out into the woods, and suddenly I was transported quickly through Trees and Brush to a place where my Owl Guide sat on a branch above me. The Sky was quite dark in this area, and Owl sat on his Branch, changing into each Color of the Six Directions in a fairly rapid sequencing. As he sat there, I asked Eagle Claw (in his Owl shpae) to help me find out the problem with Anne and how to fix it. Owl shone his lights down onto the ground with such brilliant intensity that it formed an area on the Ground that was the shape of the healing Rainbow Feather I was given in my prior Journey. I instinctively knew to step into this area, and it was like a small boat to sit in. As I did so, Eagle Claw shed his Owl covering and came to sit by my side in his normal Spirit Appearance. He told me to wait there with him. Soon, a Woodchuck appeared and led us away from this area. The Sky brightened again, and we moved together through tall Grasses to a small circular Clearing in the later afternoon Sun. Woodchuck left us. Eagle Claw told me to inscribe my Shaman Symbol into the Dirt, which I did. We waited. Soon, a Black Panther arrived out of the Grasses, very graceful and powerful and as black as night. In its teeth was a single Pink Rose, so I knew Panther had come to assist with my friend. I walked up to it and patted its soft head. It was very calm and allowed me to touch it at will. I soon melded with it, became it, and “we” walked away. We rose up a high hill, past vegetation, to a rocky area. We lay down on a large slab of Stone and spoke with it through our thoughts. I saw a very young child Anne falling off either a bike or more likely a swing, straight onto her back, sustaining hidden damage to her nervous system. I then read my friend’s Aura and saw a weakness in the neck/shoulder area, a blockage that was causing the weakness and pains in her limbs, more than likely caused by this early fall. I then saw two darkened areas in her lowest Chakra, the one dealing with survival issues. I called on her Power Animal for this Chakra to come aid me in removing these blotches. To my surprise, a Giraffe showed up, no doubt her Survival Chakra Power Animal! I asked Giraffe to consume this darkness, which it did. I then was transported to my friend’s living area, where I saw her getting continual neck and shoulder massages, drinking chamomile tea with valerian in it, and doing many stretching exercises before retiring at night. This was the end of the Journey, and I drummed myself back into my room and thanked all my Guides. I took in Mother Earth’s Fire Medicine also. I then rested, and examined the images on my Visual Cortex, and saw a Star-shaped representation of the damaged nerve channel in Anne’s neck/shoulder area. There was a circle with darkened surroundings in the middle of this star-shape. Outside the three prescriptions given above, I saw no other action being taken. Afterwards, my friend reported that in a Healing circle she had attended, two issues concerning motherhood were identified..and Giraffe is closely related to Motherhood issues. She feels the two dark spots I saw in her lower Chakra were these issues..

Journey 33 - Brushes Aside

2/6/04: I finally decided to take a Journey to release the uneasy feeling that has been with me since my last one. My Prayer Smoke got interrupted today, and that had increased that feeling even more, although I knew all happens for the best reasons. I decided to self-Drum this Journey, so that I could control the length better. I smudged the room and lay down, with the Sacred Candle on. The following account is to the best of my recollection. The experience was so clear and wonderful that I can’t be sure I have all the elements in the exact order they occurred. In particular, the exact arrival of the Rainbow Feather is murky, but I have placed it where I rethink it was based on what I was doing at the time. As I drummed, I kept repeating my Prayer, “heal and cleanse me, heal and cleanse me..”. There was such a quick trip through the Tunnel it occurred without my knowing. I was suddenly with Owl, who was riding atop Mountain Lion’s head. The two were in my Visual Cortex Journey, and were now here to help me. We were together in an open Plain, and I was sent a short distance away and told to lie face down in the sandy ground. I did so, realizing this was the start of a Vision Quest. Sure enough, it soon became night, and I was still lying face down, along, with only Owl and Lion as company. I could see Owl’s eyes glowing a brilliant gold, and changing as Owl looked around. Suddenly, purple and blue streaks started coursing through the sky, getting closer and closer to the ground. The woman in a Grass Dress was now at each of the Four Directions points, facing me, also with glowing eyes. I suddenly realized I had become a woman myself, apparently so that my female energy was being greatly strengthened by the Woman in a Grass Dress presence. Then, a Warrior appeared off to my right. I asked his name and he said it was “Brushes Aside”, for he did this with both his long flowing hair and mine. He also said he had come to brush aside my un-cleanliness. I suddenly became a Sacred Pipe, lying in the sand. Brushes Aside picked me up and Smoked me. I felt the intense and lovely heat of the Pipe Bowl at my head, as well as the warm and sacred Smoke flowing through me. Brushes prayed for All our Relations, for strength and healing, and then prayed that I be cleansed . He called me his SISTER Four Hawks when he asked for cleansing for me. He then put me back down and I became a woman again. He told me to refrain from alcohol for four days. I then realized I had spread out to become a dome of thin white energy covering the circle enclosed by the woman in a Grass Dress beings at each corner. A Village appeared to my left, and as it was still night, the Tipis were glowing with Fires from within, and there was a large Fire around which the Villagers danced. Several Elders then came over to me and surrounded the Bubble I had become. I then began to rise into the air, looking down on the Village as it grew smaller. I was then in Space, with the purple Energy now below me. Eagle Claw came to be with me for a short while, but I don’t recall him saying much..just there as support. I then returned to being the white mist over the Quest site. The Elders touched the edges of my Energy one more time, and I could feel their hands on my Energy boundaries. I then became the woman again, kneeling in the dark with the Women around me. I then looked down at the ground as I knelt there and saw a Feather forming. It was glowing brilliantly with all the colors of the rainbow! I picked it up and recognized it as a permanent gift to me. It then became day, and the WIGD at each corner were gone. I was a man again, and as I stood up, I was naked with no more skin spots. I tied the Rainbow Feather to my hair so that it hung down the right rear side of my head. I saw a Lake to me left and walked to it. I immersed myself in it. The Spirit of the Water then came over and told me to hang onto the Rainbow Feather as a Sacred Tool. She told me I could implant its rainbow image and Energy into an Aura of anyone I chose to help them heal. This is a special new Shaman’s tool for me! What a great honor and gift! I thanked her and returned to my Circle. I thanked all the Helpers who had come to me to help. Owl then led me back through the Lower World Tunnel we had come down through and we came back into the yard and my room. I drummed myself to Ground and was back. I now have a very special Feather with me.