I took a Journey using my Shamanic Drumming CD. The purpose was to learn how to use my new Rattles for healing People. I smudged the room with Sage and Sweetgrass, then lay down to the opening drumming sequence while asking to learn how to use my Rattles and imagining my opening scene. I met the Peace Eagle of earlier over the restaurant and climbed on her back. She took me higher and higher in loops, through a very pleasant layer of beautifully warm air. We then got up to the Cloud People, who were alive and smiling and speaking to us as we flew by. Suddenly there were little streamers of light in the sky, hanging down like ribbons, through which we flew. As we did so, little drops of purple-blue Spirit Essence were clinging to us. Ahead, we saw a Cloud Person Tipi, toward which we headed. As we went through this Cloud Person, we entered a very short tunnel that led to a more solid Plain of Tipis, where I was met by Eagle Claw. We walked together and I asked him to teach me how to use my Rattles to heal. He took me to a particular Tipi, which I entered. Inside was Two Feathers, my Guardian! She helped me dress in Deerskin leggings and a pull-over, open shirt of hide. We painted my face in red and white stripes, and my arms in yellow and black. I then went out and Eagle Claw led me to the Shaman Dancing Fire. Above this huge fire, which sat in the middle of a large opening, well up in the sky, were four loops of Eagles circling around a center point, lending the appearance of a four-leaf Clover. Each loop of Eagles was colored for the direction it was pointed toward (Red, Yellow, Black, White), and they were very vibrant. From the mid point of the loop down to the tip of the fire another set of Eagles were alternately diving straight down or going straight up, Blue as they ascended, Green as they descended. I then watched as the Shamans danced with their Rattles. As they moved straight toward the fire from a Cardinal direction, they were timed perfectly with the Eagles going up (that is, both the Dance in and the Flight up took the same time). They had their arms raised up, and were praying their prayer. As they went back out from the Fire, timed perfectly for the Eagles coming down, they were bent over and giving thanks. They did this 7 times. I was then allowed to participate, as if taking my turn, so I learned how to move back and forth in perfect unison with the Eagles going up and down, while praying and giving thanks. I then went back to the Tipi, where now a Council Fire with my Prayer Lodge Helpers was taking place. Also, the person I’m praying for, was in there, dressed normally. We smoked from my Pipe and passed it to her as well. The Woman in the Dress doll from the Amazon that our friend gave me was also there. She came up to me and whispered a new healing phrase: Shweshi Wasaji Omapu. The 2nd word is almost the same as the phrase given me by Eagle Claw for my Star Rainbow Healing Ceremony (Wasaja). She then took a mixture of Pipe ash, Sage ash and Sweetgrass Ash and sprinkled it over the person being prayed for while saying those words. After this healing ceremony, I thanked all my helpers. Then Peace Eagle took me through the sky again. This time the clear portion was a brilliant, glowing purple, while Cloud People came and went through it. I saw a Horse’s Face, and a Man Shadow (my shadow self?). I then drifted off deeper into the drumming, almost in a trance, and after a short while, realizing my lesson was over, I came back, once more thanked my Helpers, and took the Peace Eagle back to our world, retracing our steps. I had to bang on the CD player to complete my transition back to this time, since that part of the CD was unavailable. :) I then took my Rattle and actually danced the Colored Eagle Rattle Dance in my room for my friend, after which I “went in the Prayer Tipi” and anointed her, saying the new phrase 7 times. I then repeated the Dance for a person in Shaw’s who had told me this morning that she had lost all her belongings in an apartment fire caused by a neighbor’s air conditioner. She had no insurance and no place to go. I danced for her in a separate Dance, then likewise anointed her with the new phrase. As I moved forward with arms up, I said my prayer and saw the Blue Eagles flying skyward. As I moved back, bent down, giving thanks, I saw the Green Eagles diving downward. I was also aware of the looping Eagles above, dressed in their brilliant colors. A very moving and wonderful Dance of Healing, it shall serve me and others in good stead. I am always so at Peace after a Journey. A new landmark also has been reached in that I no longer react with internal churning when people are angry or disagreeing with me. I have reached that point of detachment where I view their tirade and anger with amusement and understanding..a sure sign of progress as my Shaman talents grow.
Friday, September 05, 2003
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Journey 9 - Killer AND Victim
9/2/03: A very powerful Medicine Dream overnight. I was in a strange house, at night, with both doors locked tight. I was conscious of a very murderous force lurking about the neighborhood, and was very nervous about being along in this house. I was convinced the murdered/psychopath was somewhere very nearby..and I made sure the doors were locked. Suddenly, to my horror, the murderer was sitting in a chair in the next room, looking at me with a wide smile. I turned, and saw a technician who had not been there before working at some radio equipment. He turned his head, and the murdered went to work. Here’s the really remarkable part. I think I became the murderer, and I sliced through the fellow’s right side while he had turned his back to me. I then immediately BECAME the victim, feeling the intense awfulness of those few seconds of consciousness when you see your body split and you feel horrid pain. I then sensed myself dying, as the victim this time, and freeing myself from my Robe. As I looked around afterward, I saw three tiny black Spirit entities hovering around. They were quite small. I realized that the “demons” that cause people to commit horrid acts are quite small and not all that powerful. But if they are many, they can overwhelm the person. This is why we must pray and strengthen our Spirit Bodies everyday. I thought about this dream all day, and there are obvious interpretations. I’m still afraid of a violent death? Am I not now, now that I have seen the dark entities swirling near me as I left my Robe? Evil apparently comes in small packets versus the large purple Spirit figures I saw the last time I journeyed. This was a very unsettling dream, and it affected my entire day. I believe the Spirits are asking me to deal with the whole issue of Death and Violence next..both of which I have to conquer to advance as a Shaman. It was fascinating to see myself as my own killer, and then the Victim as well.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Journey 8 - Underground Bear
8/22: Self-drummed (versus CD) Journey introduces me to Underground Bear, the
Power Animal, who brings me a cure for the burning in my right-stomach area!
The Journey went like this: I went back to the yard where I had met the
Power Animal, and looked to the edge of the property to the left of where my
van was. There were some trees and low shrub there, and it wasn’t hard for
me to find a small opening in the ground to go down through. As I entered
the tunnel, Two Feathers and Crosses in Front were there. The tunnel was
similar to all my tunnels, with little gold lights therein. As we emerged
into the other side, for the first time it was dark! There were tiny
droplets of glowing purple mist hanging in the air, which I assumed from
their color were drops of Spirit Power, or what is called Mana. I saw the
droplets beginning to collect on our clothing and skin like little drops of
rain. I was then led to a fire made completely of a deep purple flame. I
picked up one of the purple sticks with the purple flame and honored the 7
Directions with it, assuming the flame was also made of Spirit Mana. Then,
Two Feathers and Crosses told me to go down through the center of the Fire,
which I did. Once underground, I could see clearly. Roots and little bulbs
of plants were all sticking down from the "ceiling", as if the dirt was
transparent. They were all glowing also, with different colors, such as
bright greens and reds. Suddenly my Power Animal arrived. He put me on his
back and gave me a short ride through the roots. We then stopped and
embraced with a long and warm hug. He told me his name was Underground
Bear. He is the one who helps Bear find the roots he needs for healing! So
he IS a companion to the Bear, as seen in my Dream. But now this capability
to find healing roots and plants was being given to me! Underground then
led me to a set of yellow potatoes glowing in the dark. I went very near to
the potatoes, and one sliced itself into thin slices, telling me I should be
eating a thin slice or two of raw potato every day for the burning near my
stomach. We then took another ride, and I saw the roots now also had
glowing purple drops on them. It occurred to me that Chipmunks and worms
must also be able to see through the dirt like this, something man has never
assumed or known. I hugged Underground again and he licked my neck. I
thanked him for his tour and help. He took me back to the fire through the
glowing roots. I came back up through the Fire to Two Feathers and Crosses,
who were now totally "soaked" in the purple light. I looked, and so was I!
The Fire and Droplets were tools to build Auras/Spirit Bodies!! I thanked
my Helpers and we all headed back to the surface like we came. As I came
back into my room, I noticed that I was hardly breathing. I clocked my
breath rate at maybe 4 breaths a minute. My heart rate was down in the low
60s. I had read that shamanic trips result in a much lowered metabolism
while one is "gone", and so it is. I went out later and a red Dragonfly
came near me all the way down the stairs, sort of buzzing me. Later still,
I pulled the Dragonfly Card!
Power Animal, who brings me a cure for the burning in my right-stomach area!
The Journey went like this: I went back to the yard where I had met the
Power Animal, and looked to the edge of the property to the left of where my
van was. There were some trees and low shrub there, and it wasn’t hard for
me to find a small opening in the ground to go down through. As I entered
the tunnel, Two Feathers and Crosses in Front were there. The tunnel was
similar to all my tunnels, with little gold lights therein. As we emerged
into the other side, for the first time it was dark! There were tiny
droplets of glowing purple mist hanging in the air, which I assumed from
their color were drops of Spirit Power, or what is called Mana. I saw the
droplets beginning to collect on our clothing and skin like little drops of
rain. I was then led to a fire made completely of a deep purple flame. I
picked up one of the purple sticks with the purple flame and honored the 7
Directions with it, assuming the flame was also made of Spirit Mana. Then,
Two Feathers and Crosses told me to go down through the center of the Fire,
which I did. Once underground, I could see clearly. Roots and little bulbs
of plants were all sticking down from the "ceiling", as if the dirt was
transparent. They were all glowing also, with different colors, such as
bright greens and reds. Suddenly my Power Animal arrived. He put me on his
back and gave me a short ride through the roots. We then stopped and
embraced with a long and warm hug. He told me his name was Underground
Bear. He is the one who helps Bear find the roots he needs for healing! So
he IS a companion to the Bear, as seen in my Dream. But now this capability
to find healing roots and plants was being given to me! Underground then
led me to a set of yellow potatoes glowing in the dark. I went very near to
the potatoes, and one sliced itself into thin slices, telling me I should be
eating a thin slice or two of raw potato every day for the burning near my
stomach. We then took another ride, and I saw the roots now also had
glowing purple drops on them. It occurred to me that Chipmunks and worms
must also be able to see through the dirt like this, something man has never
assumed or known. I hugged Underground again and he licked my neck. I
thanked him for his tour and help. He took me back to the fire through the
glowing roots. I came back up through the Fire to Two Feathers and Crosses,
who were now totally "soaked" in the purple light. I looked, and so was I!
The Fire and Droplets were tools to build Auras/Spirit Bodies!! I thanked
my Helpers and we all headed back to the surface like we came. As I came
back into my room, I noticed that I was hardly breathing. I clocked my
breath rate at maybe 4 breaths a minute. My heart rate was down in the low
60s. I had read that shamanic trips result in a much lowered metabolism
while one is "gone", and so it is. I went out later and a red Dragonfly
came near me all the way down the stairs, sort of buzzing me. Later still,
I pulled the Dragonfly Card!
Monday, August 18, 2003
Journey 7 - Westu Waja Wasaji
On my latest Shamanic Journey late last week, I asked if I should continue
with Weatherlook. A Peace Eagle guided me to a very wealthy mansion on a
beach..but it was totally empty of family and feeling. I was alone. The
Eagle then summoned me to the window and drove me into the sand, from where
I went out to a Tipi of purple Light. Inside this Tipi sat the local
Universe..stars and the like. To my right, on a large stone ledge sticking
out into Space, sat my Shaman trainer, Eagle Claw, to whom I went. He
showed me how to gather rainbow beams from every single star about us and
focus them into my body. With this incredible light energy pouring into me
from all directions, he yelled. "Heal someone!" My mind raced and I finally
picked a very ill person I know to send this healing light to. He then gave
me a phrase made up of words from different languages, which is my Power
Phrase. Anytime I utter it, this rainbow healing power is available to me,
and Eagle Claw will be there. I have researched the phrase since on the
Net, and a loose translation is, "he, brave and strong, who speaks from the
head, is a being from a different dimension." I have had no exposure to
these words whatsoever (one is Malaysian, one from Australia). But I WILL
use this phrase to heal. Upon returning to the mansion at the end of my
journey, it turned to dust. I am obviously meant to be a healer, not a
wealth-accumulator.
with Weatherlook. A Peace Eagle guided me to a very wealthy mansion on a
beach..but it was totally empty of family and feeling. I was alone. The
Eagle then summoned me to the window and drove me into the sand, from where
I went out to a Tipi of purple Light. Inside this Tipi sat the local
Universe..stars and the like. To my right, on a large stone ledge sticking
out into Space, sat my Shaman trainer, Eagle Claw, to whom I went. He
showed me how to gather rainbow beams from every single star about us and
focus them into my body. With this incredible light energy pouring into me
from all directions, he yelled. "Heal someone!" My mind raced and I finally
picked a very ill person I know to send this healing light to. He then gave
me a phrase made up of words from different languages, which is my Power
Phrase. Anytime I utter it, this rainbow healing power is available to me,
and Eagle Claw will be there. I have researched the phrase since on the
Net, and a loose translation is, "he, brave and strong, who speaks from the
head, is a being from a different dimension." I have had no exposure to
these words whatsoever (one is Malaysian, one from Australia). But I WILL
use this phrase to heal. Upon returning to the mansion at the end of my
journey, it turned to dust. I am obviously meant to be a healer, not a
wealth-accumulator.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Journey 6a - Real Body State
8/12/03: Around 6:15 or so I had a break, so I decided to take a quick Journey before my wife and I went shopping. I Smudged, and Rattled to the 7 Directions, this time attaching my Spirit Feather. I then drummed using my own Drum, since I knew this had to be quick. As I began drumming, it came to me to enter the Spirit Prayer Lodge I've sensed out back. I asked my Snake Guide to meet me by the edge of the lawn..and she did. The Prayer Lodge now stood before us as a Tipi of Light. As we moved toward it together, we were suddenly moving along at ground level. I assumed I had taken on a Snake shape. We went into the Lodge by crawling thyrough a crack at the base of the "light" fabric covering the Tipi. First sight inside was the Plain of Tipis I saw in my last Journey, but soon the Lodge became a normal Tipi. Crosses, my Snake Guide, was at my right, and my Guardian, Two Feathers, appeared on my left. The Tipi then went completely black. Suddenly before me was a multi-faceted Crystal Sphere, looking a bit like a disco dance mobile. But it was a real Crystal, and as I drew near I saw that each facet had a scene from Earth on it. The Sphere quickly turned to present an orange Tunnel on its side. I entered through this Tunnel into a small, red-ornage area where the Prayer Dwellers were sitting. They passed me a Pipe..mine! I took a Smoke and then left my body. Looking at it (I was in front and to the right of it), I saw it was totally unanimated. It was hunched over and looking very battered and pasty, with the skin having the appearance of peeling wallpaper. I knew this was the real state of my body. I went back into it, and asked for of felt more tinkering going on to strengthen me. I then asked for the Pipe back and Smoked one more puff for Health, went out the Tunnel and back into the Tipi. The Sphere then transformed into a more traditional Crystal, with a long point. This means I have to purchase such a Crystal to help heal myself, one just like it if possible. I then began the trip back, thanking Two Feathers and Crosses. As I came back to my bedroom, I again felt altered. I drummed rapidly to bring myself back completely. A rapid Journey like this is quite comon among advanced practioners, and I am humbled I could do it. Quite the message, too. My body needs help..
Friday, August 08, 2003
Journey 6 - First View of Two Feathers/Past Life - Altered!
8/8/03: I took my first bona-fide journey using my Shamanic Drumming CD. I had been asked to journey to the Lower World by Chipmunks and a Woodchuck, and I picked the tiny hole in the tree I saw the day before as my entry. I rattled to the 7 directions and smudged before turning on the CD, and during the opening song I went down into the hole and walked among the roués of the tree, all bespeckled in tiny gold lights. I kept me reason for the visit firmly in mid..which was, you folks asked me to visit, so please show me what it is you want me to see. I expected to see Crosses, my Snake guide. But as I entered a large wooded area, there was no Crosses. Instead, after a few minutes, I found my longtime Spirit Guardian Two Feathers. She did not look anything like the picture on my wall that represents her (no surprise there, eh?), but she was very friendly, had a round, brown face with smaller eyes and black hair, and a tight smile. She looked at me with that smile one gets when you say, so you have finally come! She took me hand and we hugged. Suddenly, we were flying hand in hand, she on my right, through the trees before us and into this valley/plain/dry river bed. On this valley were situated many Tipis, all the same size, all beautifully made and perfect, all with little designs or lights at the top. I figured this was “the” or “a” Spirit Camp, probably the one I came from. So to this point I had met Two Feathers and seen my former Camp prior to coming to this life..no WONDER they wanted me to visit to see what they had to show me! We passed an all black Tipi very closely, and suddenly were seated inside one. I can’t be sure if we went into the black one or not. While Two Feathers and I sat in this Tipi, a fire erupted in its center. These erupting Fires have been a constant theme in recent dreams and visions, and are no doubt related to my need for more energy. We sat and both chewed on this herb that Two Feathers had. We then placed the chewed herb in the top of a small Buffalo Skull in front of me. This Skull suddenly began to glow with a blue light. I placed my hands on it, and it suddenly lifted me up into the air. Within seconds, I was at the apex of a Tipi of light, the Skull and I at the top. As I looked down into the light, it became a move screen or sorts. On it, I saw scenes of Native life, including a Hunter on a Horse. I also saw myself clearly as a young boy, placing with my toy helicopter launcher outside my house ineastern MA as I actually did as a child. This time, however, I could see a huge dark Mass hovering over me..the Dark Force that trailed me in my youth, pulling me downstairs as related in an earlier journal. I beat this Force in my Shamanic Dream within the past year. I also saw my Shadow Self..quite an honor, but did not see any more than the shape. After I land back in the Tipi, Two Feathers feeds me the Herb out of the Skull..and suddenly I see myself as a young Eaglet in a nest on the side of a tree being fed by a Mother Eagle. At one point she brought her yellow eye within an inch of my eye and stared at me. So I was being fed by both Two Feathers and the Eagle simultaneously. I then shifted again and briefly saw my Snake Guide, Crosses in Front, standing before me..”Ah, there you are, I thought”..but she rapidly turned into a Horse, and I saw several Horse Faces melding before me, all very clear with very distinct eyes. I have a note that reads something like “albes” or “allnes” but I can’t interpret my own writing! :) At this point, I fell into a deeper level of semi-unconsciousness. I recall there were images running through this time, but I really don’t remember any of them. But what was quite startling to me is that I snapped back into consciousness exactly 1-2 seconds before the Journey Drumming ended! Somehow, I knew it was coming. Perhaps I had gone ahead in time and then come back to that moment. As the return drumming played, I stumbled back through my woods and tunnel and out of the tree, but I was so altered that I don’t know if I did it very well. I did thank my guides. I lay there and realized that I had been changed in an indescribable way. I had a huge amount of energy in my navel area, where the connective chakra is. I was sizzling with feeling there. And I remember feeling as if I had been taken apart and put back together again. I felt as if I had been genetically altered. I was no longer the same person. Whatever had happened while I was down deep, it had changed me in a significant way, and forever. It was a good change, that’s all I knew. I later described it to my friend A as feeling like I had come back to life from being dead..but again, in a very satisfying and fulfilling way. I felt very much more aware of everything. As I rose and sat on the side of the bed, I realized there were a huge bunch of crows sitting outside, singing. A few minutes later, as I walked upstairs to say hello to my wife, a bunch of Pipe Protection Birds flew from across the street an over the house/my head!
Friday, August 01, 2003
Journey 5 - First Upper World Experience
I decided before sleeping to try to journey to the Upper World, so I smudged and breathed, then took my drum. I asked the Falcon from Niagara Falls to take me. At first we met in this tree out back, and then I rode up on his back. We headed for the Cathedral Ledge in North Conway to look for the opening upward. We went into the woods up there and then he launched me up this tunnel of gossamer light threads. As I went up, I kept grounding, either back to Earth or two the Under World. So I came back out and we tried again. This time we decided to try rising up the rainbow over the Horseshoe Falls. This worked, for I emerged from the rainbow path into many different realities. Again I saw my Spirit Guide Eagle Claw, but assumed he was there by mistake..as I write this, I realize he may have been there to help me. But my goal was merely to visit this world, so he was not there for long. I saw many different sights, many of which I have forgotten, but I did see a bright green ball made of luminescent points of green light that I went into to behold a beautiful forest, embedded within which was a blue tipi of air/light that I visited. Once inside I felt I had been there before. The insides were made of stars, and at one point I was walking across a Star Universe. Eventually, all turned into this white cloud, and in the center was a bird shaped head with those ebony eyes, within which several human face shapes formed and left. I assumed this was my guide in the Upper World. I did not make contact, but felt at home. As I say, there were other sights I saw, but have left behind. Several times the images were so striking it caused me to stop drumming, so I started right up again. At one point I actually saw things being formed out of mist. Several church-like buildings formed well below me as I floated in clouds, which parted just enough for me to see the little white squares come into existence. I also watched a Collie-like dog come into being, at least the upper half, at it was an iridescent gold and white as it formed. So I knew I was in the place where things are created from, the Upper World. These sights were as I recall the only ones that let me know this for sure. I journeyed back through the rainbow to Niagara, to Cathedral, to the bedroom, thanking the Falcon for his help. As I write this I am still VERY tired..too tired to really enjoy what I have seen. The journey surprised me in that it took a half hour..it didn’t seem that long.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Journey 4 - Meeting Eagle Claw
7/30: Took a journey to try to meet my Spirit Shaman Trainer, whose presence I've felt in the past few days. I went through the tunnel, but Crosses did not meet me until I got out into the open at the end of the tunnel. I knew this could happen so did not panic..the benefits of reading a lot first. At first, this area seemed forested, but it quickly turned into a desert, very bright but not hot. Crosses (my Snake guide) appeared suddenly by my side, then wrapped around me to give me oneness with all things/energies. We became one, and then zoomed across the desert to a very thickly dressed Native Chief. I got very close to his face and looked into his eyes, that were dark like opals..very similar to Crosses's eyes. His smile told me to look down and I saw a large Eagle Claw hanging on his chest. So that is his name, Eagle Claw. I then thanked him with offerings of tobacco, sage, sweet grass and a Sacred Pipe. I asked him to continue to teach me, guide me, and empower me. I was VERY grateful for quite a while, asking for help and guidance. Then, as I turned to leave, he "asked" me back (no words are spoken out loud) and embraced me. Suddenly, Crosses and I were floating in space. We went by stars of different colors and ended up over Earth. As I think back on this part, I seem to think I was not in what we call outer space, but more an Inner space, perhaps at the Atom Level. The “stars” were not brilliant, but tame, with mute surfaces. So that would imply that the Earth may be a single molecule in an other Existence, a teeny piece of something unseen and much bigger. If so, our destructive practices could result in this molecule being removed from the body as cancerous. Another reason to clean up our act. In fact, I was not allowed to go down to the Earth until I noticed a thick brown layer of air covering the surface. That is apparently all the damage we have done to Mother Earth. I prayed I could help alleviate that damage. We then sank quickly back into the tunnel (which is lined in tiny golden sparks of light and has a gorgeous smell of thousands of flowers and plants) and came back up into the entrance forest. I then walked back to my house and drummed myself back to this world. I forgot to thank Crosses as I left, but did so by going back to the entrance of the tunnel later and yelling it down. J
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Journey 3 - Meeting Lower World Guide - no Drumming!
7/24/03: Hawk on route. When home, held Medicine Cards tightly to discover Power Animal to help me with my journeys. I actually went into my Power Place in an imagined forest with strong moonlight through tall, thick trees. Little People came and went as tiny dots of gold light. I walked around looking at them, and then found a small Earth opening to crawl down through. It was only wide enough for a couple of chipmunks, but I was able to fit. It was lit naturally. I met a chipmunk coming up, but it was not my power animal. Almost instantly thereafter, I met a Snake, and I knew this was my Guide. It stayed with me, and was very non-threatening. It placed its face right in front of me and I stared into its black, almost deer-like eyes as it spoke to me silently. It’s body coloring was of squares/patches of light that went on and off. I thanked it for introducing itself, as that was my only goal. I turned to crawl back up the tunnel, and my snake escorted me. I then walked from the woods I had imagined back to my yard and down stairs to where I was sitting. I then pulled a Card and got Mountain Lion again: leadership. So even without the shamanic drumming, I actually took my first trip down the tunnel to the Lower World! A VERY important event.
7/29/03: After work, I took my drum and began setting up a dance of thanks to my Snake Guide. I sensed myself dancing with my Totem as the drum went on..a celebration of oneness. Suddenly, Snake revealed its name to me. I recalled the Snake crossing in front of me on Sunday, and so its name is Crosses in Front. Crosses then allowed me to take on the pulses of the snake movement in our dance together, and I could actually feel the pulses of the energy moving across my body in waves. Then, Crosses took me up into an ancient wooded place in daylight and allowed me to slither along into a circle of Native Americans, sitting around a very sick girl. I was held up by the smiling-in-success Shaman, whom I sensed had called me to help, and then allowed to enter the Spirit world of this young girl. I recognized the Dark Force of my Shaman’s Dream, and took the Force on. I sucked the blackness into my body and dispelled it through my body and as I did so, the black power turned into sparks of gold bursting from my tail. I found myself hoping that this maiden was Janet, for I know the Dark Force has a hold on her at some level. When I was done, the Shaman set up a Pipe Smoke in celebration. I thanked Crosses so much for allowing me to be part of the healing. Crosses then led me back to the current place, my bedroom, where I reoriented myself to this Time. I then pulled a Medicine Card. I got Dolphin. The key theme of Dolphin is “Mana”, the breath of life, the vital force of the Spirit. In other words, I truly had been involved in healing another, in restoring vital energy. This was the perfect card to follow such a healing. I look forward to many adventures with Crosses, and am so grateful for its presence. I sense it is a she. Finally, I should mention that at the beginning of this particular journal, I made it my goal to visit the Spirit Camp before it was done. But I never panicked about it as I drew near then end..I knew it would happen if the Spirits wanted it. But I am mightily impressed that it actually happened. Totally honored and almost left breathless, for it was indeed a very lofty goal. Yet, events led right to it, even though I didn’t force the issue. My first journey occurred even without the drumming!! It just came upon me out of the blue!! Very humbling!
7/29/03: After work, I took my drum and began setting up a dance of thanks to my Snake Guide. I sensed myself dancing with my Totem as the drum went on..a celebration of oneness. Suddenly, Snake revealed its name to me. I recalled the Snake crossing in front of me on Sunday, and so its name is Crosses in Front. Crosses then allowed me to take on the pulses of the snake movement in our dance together, and I could actually feel the pulses of the energy moving across my body in waves. Then, Crosses took me up into an ancient wooded place in daylight and allowed me to slither along into a circle of Native Americans, sitting around a very sick girl. I was held up by the smiling-in-success Shaman, whom I sensed had called me to help, and then allowed to enter the Spirit world of this young girl. I recognized the Dark Force of my Shaman’s Dream, and took the Force on. I sucked the blackness into my body and dispelled it through my body and as I did so, the black power turned into sparks of gold bursting from my tail. I found myself hoping that this maiden was Janet, for I know the Dark Force has a hold on her at some level. When I was done, the Shaman set up a Pipe Smoke in celebration. I thanked Crosses so much for allowing me to be part of the healing. Crosses then led me back to the current place, my bedroom, where I reoriented myself to this Time. I then pulled a Medicine Card. I got Dolphin. The key theme of Dolphin is “Mana”, the breath of life, the vital force of the Spirit. In other words, I truly had been involved in healing another, in restoring vital energy. This was the perfect card to follow such a healing. I look forward to many adventures with Crosses, and am so grateful for its presence. I sense it is a she. Finally, I should mention that at the beginning of this particular journal, I made it my goal to visit the Spirit Camp before it was done. But I never panicked about it as I drew near then end..I knew it would happen if the Spirits wanted it. But I am mightily impressed that it actually happened. Totally honored and almost left breathless, for it was indeed a very lofty goal. Yet, events led right to it, even though I didn’t force the issue. My first journey occurred even without the drumming!! It just came upon me out of the blue!! Very humbling!
Thursday, July 10, 2003
Earliest Journeys - Leaving Spirit Camp/Stone Person Melding
7/10/2003: It also occurred to me today, having read quite a bit about journeying in the past few days, that I actually already have performed at least one journey. This was when listening to the last song on Sacred Spirit 1, and I found myself lying in a field at twilight with Two Feathers whispering in my ear, “I will always be with you..I will always be with you..” I saw this as my “death” in the Spirit World on my way here.
This afternoon I performed my shamanic preparatory breathing and then took a small nap with the blue oval stone I found several years ago nestled in my hands over my navel. This is an effective way to talk with a Stone Person. The first time, I got some broken images of a corrugated wing or flap that we were holding up to investigate, but I remember nothing else. The second trip, so to speak, resulted in no images I can remember, but a most remarkable ending. My hands holding the rock were slammed onto the bed by my side, as if the Stone Person was saying, that’s it! End of talk. Right after that, I sensed myself to be inside a blue covering, and felt very still and lifeless, like I was the Stone itself. I believe I did obtain the consciousness of the Stone Person in that moment, and I felt very relaxed and stationary! Quite a lovely feeling.
This afternoon I performed my shamanic preparatory breathing and then took a small nap with the blue oval stone I found several years ago nestled in my hands over my navel. This is an effective way to talk with a Stone Person. The first time, I got some broken images of a corrugated wing or flap that we were holding up to investigate, but I remember nothing else. The second trip, so to speak, resulted in no images I can remember, but a most remarkable ending. My hands holding the rock were slammed onto the bed by my side, as if the Stone Person was saying, that’s it! End of talk. Right after that, I sensed myself to be inside a blue covering, and felt very still and lifeless, like I was the Stone itself. I believe I did obtain the consciousness of the Stone Person in that moment, and I felt very relaxed and stationary! Quite a lovely feeling.
Friday, October 19, 2001
The Epiphany
Here is a record of the seminal events leading up to my realization I was being called into Shamanism. From 2001, a few summaries of the notes I wrote in my Journal, including my Epiphany.
“10/3/01: I had a most powerful Dream. A very large Golden Eagle (10 times bigger than normal) was about 200 feet away, 10 feet off the ground, trying to fly up a street. It was meeting great resistance from very strong winds. It finally landed on the street and gathered one of its little one’s beneath it. The Dream ended. My interpretation. The large Eagle is the Great Spirit, trying to save us, the little Eagle, from very dangerous times.” Since then I have considered that this Dream may have signalled my Power Animal, who is Eagle, alerting me, the Little One, of my impending Calling.
Now on to 10/6/01: “This morning I was rewarded with my second Power Animal Dream in 4 days. I saw four Hawks with gray Feathers flying in a single file, in formation. That was all...they were headed left to right, slightly downhill. Hawk is my primary Pipe Totem, and I feel I am called on to Smoke the Pipe 4 times in the near future, for Peace.
(And later that same day): OK, here’s what I have instinctively come to. I’m to Smoke the Pipe 4 (Sacred Number) times for World Peace and Understanding. But between the 4 Smokes, in an unprecedented stroke of boldness, I’m to leave the Pipe UNCOVERED and in one piece (Stem still inside Bowl)...until that 4th Smoke is done! This open display of the put-together Pipe will be very rare. It leaves it vulnerable, just as Love and Peace and Justice are. But that vulnerability is where Love’s strength comes from...just as Jesus was made ultimately vulnerable, near naked on the cross. Soon I shall perform these 4 Smokes.”
10/19/01: “A very special beginning to the day. This morning I saw clouds that formed the Wings of a Hawk, a Sacred Pipe, and the White Feather I saw the day I bought my Pipe..all at the same time! I knew this was the day I should perform my 4th Smoke. While on the road for my job, a small Bird kept landing in front of me..causing me to stop short 4 times! So I got ready for the final of the 4 Smokes. The Pipe ended up being uncovered and joined for 7 days total, a Sacred Number. “
From here on, a verbatim transcript:
“As I was praying and filling the Pipe, the Crows were singing a lot in the South. But as I prayed to the West, a single 4-Caw out there told me the Spirit Camp was solidly in line with me. Thrilling! Then, as I was walking toward the holly bush and offering the Pipe to Father Sky, a Chipmunk came along the bushes next to the house and went right by me, completely fearless, as if it knew I was becoming (or already was) part of Nature. The rest of the filling went well, and I went to the Prayer Spot to do my Smoke. I offered the Pipe to Grandfather Sun, and held it against a little Pine Tree nearby. Pine is the Peace Tree, and I acknowledged that since the Pine Standing Person is half in Mother Earth and half in Father Sky, it is the perfect symbol of the Pipe, which also stands for the power of the Male/Female connection, and therefore Love and Creativity when joined. So holding that unlit Pipe against that Tree made it very powerful as an instrument of Peace. I Smoked for World Peace three times, for All Our Relations, my family and friends, the sick and dying. I gave thanks for the Pipe, and gave lots of Smoke out to the Spirit Camp for them to enjoy as well. I inhaled some Smoke for the first time by mistake, but thereby joined the community of Spirits even further.
At the end, I held the Bowl to my heart. The heat of the Sun on my face and the heat of the Bowl were from the same source: the Sun, one stored for months, the other brand new..but the same and therefore from the Grandfather. Then, as I held the Pipe tightly to my heart and asked the heat to re-sanctify my sacred heart space with that little Sun in there, I realized that by completing the 4th Smoke, not only was my Dream tasking complete, but NOW THE 4 SEPARATE SMOKES WERE COMBINING. NOW THEY WERE ONE VERY POWERFUL SMOKE FOR PEACE. No longer separate, they were now, at task’s end, unified! I was in awe of the Power of these Prayer Smokes as a single unit. I could feel their Power forming as this huge Prayer in Time and Space. My eyes were closed. Suddenly, like at the start, I heard scratching in the Leaves (on the ground) about 10 feet in front of me. I opened up my eyes..yup, my little Chipmunk was back..same one? Who can say? I’d like to think so. Then suddenly came an event that ranks with my feeling of sensing the Holy Spirit back in the late 70s. A motion to my right. A large Bird flies very quietly in and lands on a branch on the other side of a narrow Tree Trunk about 10 feet away...same direction as the Chipmunk. At first, I could only see its tail, but I knew it was not a standard Bird. Perhaps a Mockingbird? But then, it peaked its head out from behind the trunk to the left..and I saw the head of a Hawk! It looked right at me for about a second, maybe two, then took off and flew away to my left so I could see its brown Feathers and make a perfect ID. I melted into the ground! Frozen..tingling in awe...in great thanks. I cried later telling my Daughter of this moment, which I then and have since called my Epiphany. But in the moment of the visit, I knew my Prayer Smokes had been sanctified by the Great Spirit. He sent Hawk to help me celebrate this powerful Smoke series, and to REMOVE ALL DOUBT about the Power of the Pipe. I’m stll in total awe as I write this summary an hour later. I could feel the presence of God, the Medicine Allies. I knew it had really happened as a result of my Smoke. It was the most direct evidence of God and Love and Prayer Power I had ever seen. For the first time in my life, I have absolute proof of the existence of the God of Love. He sent me the Hawk to thank me for listening to my Dream, and for using the White Feather Hawk Pipe to pray for a peace that is best for ALL. I’m a changed person, totally altered. I can never doubt again. Can I ever feel bad again? This is Earth-shattering, mind-blowing stuff! The Tree I was Smoking near is bright yellow...the South..healing..sustenance...joy! I’m still swooning with delight at this divine intervention. Make no mistake, ye doubters! I have seen the hand of the Great Spirit touch my life...none of the events I have recorded in my Journals thus far is accidental. I finished by taking the Ash of this, the holiest and most powerful of all my Smokes, and blowing it onto my Sage plant. Wouldn’t you know...there was some unsmoked Tobacco left, so it was God’s will I offer both As and Tobacco to the plant we use to ward off negativity. Great! I then wrapped up the Pipe. It’s back in its Skin and Feathers, separated, and Smudged.”
What I left out of this summary at the time, due to my obvious excitement, was the first thought that Crossed my mind after the Hawk had left: This only happens to Shamans! I had read about their interactions with the Winged Ones in a meaningful way...and this visit by Hawk to me at the end of the 4th Smoke, inspired by a Dream, was the stuff of a Shaman’s Walk. I knew from then on, although it has taken several years to advance at the timing the Spirit Camp desires, that I was destined to adopt Shamanic Ways...hopefully someday to earn the title. Even though I am a non-Native, my ancestry is rich with Shamanic practices of its own.
Hence my name, Four Hawks...hence my Shamanic works. And again, perhaps the little Eagle being scooped up by the Large “Great Spirit” Eagle in the first Dream was, after all, me, on my way to this extraordinary event.
“10/3/01: I had a most powerful Dream. A very large Golden Eagle (10 times bigger than normal) was about 200 feet away, 10 feet off the ground, trying to fly up a street. It was meeting great resistance from very strong winds. It finally landed on the street and gathered one of its little one’s beneath it. The Dream ended. My interpretation. The large Eagle is the Great Spirit, trying to save us, the little Eagle, from very dangerous times.” Since then I have considered that this Dream may have signalled my Power Animal, who is Eagle, alerting me, the Little One, of my impending Calling.
Now on to 10/6/01: “This morning I was rewarded with my second Power Animal Dream in 4 days. I saw four Hawks with gray Feathers flying in a single file, in formation. That was all...they were headed left to right, slightly downhill. Hawk is my primary Pipe Totem, and I feel I am called on to Smoke the Pipe 4 times in the near future, for Peace.
(And later that same day): OK, here’s what I have instinctively come to. I’m to Smoke the Pipe 4 (Sacred Number) times for World Peace and Understanding. But between the 4 Smokes, in an unprecedented stroke of boldness, I’m to leave the Pipe UNCOVERED and in one piece (Stem still inside Bowl)...until that 4th Smoke is done! This open display of the put-together Pipe will be very rare. It leaves it vulnerable, just as Love and Peace and Justice are. But that vulnerability is where Love’s strength comes from...just as Jesus was made ultimately vulnerable, near naked on the cross. Soon I shall perform these 4 Smokes.”
10/19/01: “A very special beginning to the day. This morning I saw clouds that formed the Wings of a Hawk, a Sacred Pipe, and the White Feather I saw the day I bought my Pipe..all at the same time! I knew this was the day I should perform my 4th Smoke. While on the road for my job, a small Bird kept landing in front of me..causing me to stop short 4 times! So I got ready for the final of the 4 Smokes. The Pipe ended up being uncovered and joined for 7 days total, a Sacred Number. “
From here on, a verbatim transcript:
“As I was praying and filling the Pipe, the Crows were singing a lot in the South. But as I prayed to the West, a single 4-Caw out there told me the Spirit Camp was solidly in line with me. Thrilling! Then, as I was walking toward the holly bush and offering the Pipe to Father Sky, a Chipmunk came along the bushes next to the house and went right by me, completely fearless, as if it knew I was becoming (or already was) part of Nature. The rest of the filling went well, and I went to the Prayer Spot to do my Smoke. I offered the Pipe to Grandfather Sun, and held it against a little Pine Tree nearby. Pine is the Peace Tree, and I acknowledged that since the Pine Standing Person is half in Mother Earth and half in Father Sky, it is the perfect symbol of the Pipe, which also stands for the power of the Male/Female connection, and therefore Love and Creativity when joined. So holding that unlit Pipe against that Tree made it very powerful as an instrument of Peace. I Smoked for World Peace three times, for All Our Relations, my family and friends, the sick and dying. I gave thanks for the Pipe, and gave lots of Smoke out to the Spirit Camp for them to enjoy as well. I inhaled some Smoke for the first time by mistake, but thereby joined the community of Spirits even further.
At the end, I held the Bowl to my heart. The heat of the Sun on my face and the heat of the Bowl were from the same source: the Sun, one stored for months, the other brand new..but the same and therefore from the Grandfather. Then, as I held the Pipe tightly to my heart and asked the heat to re-sanctify my sacred heart space with that little Sun in there, I realized that by completing the 4th Smoke, not only was my Dream tasking complete, but NOW THE 4 SEPARATE SMOKES WERE COMBINING. NOW THEY WERE ONE VERY POWERFUL SMOKE FOR PEACE. No longer separate, they were now, at task’s end, unified! I was in awe of the Power of these Prayer Smokes as a single unit. I could feel their Power forming as this huge Prayer in Time and Space. My eyes were closed. Suddenly, like at the start, I heard scratching in the Leaves (on the ground) about 10 feet in front of me. I opened up my eyes..yup, my little Chipmunk was back..same one? Who can say? I’d like to think so. Then suddenly came an event that ranks with my feeling of sensing the Holy Spirit back in the late 70s. A motion to my right. A large Bird flies very quietly in and lands on a branch on the other side of a narrow Tree Trunk about 10 feet away...same direction as the Chipmunk. At first, I could only see its tail, but I knew it was not a standard Bird. Perhaps a Mockingbird? But then, it peaked its head out from behind the trunk to the left..and I saw the head of a Hawk! It looked right at me for about a second, maybe two, then took off and flew away to my left so I could see its brown Feathers and make a perfect ID. I melted into the ground! Frozen..tingling in awe...in great thanks. I cried later telling my Daughter of this moment, which I then and have since called my Epiphany. But in the moment of the visit, I knew my Prayer Smokes had been sanctified by the Great Spirit. He sent Hawk to help me celebrate this powerful Smoke series, and to REMOVE ALL DOUBT about the Power of the Pipe. I’m stll in total awe as I write this summary an hour later. I could feel the presence of God, the Medicine Allies. I knew it had really happened as a result of my Smoke. It was the most direct evidence of God and Love and Prayer Power I had ever seen. For the first time in my life, I have absolute proof of the existence of the God of Love. He sent me the Hawk to thank me for listening to my Dream, and for using the White Feather Hawk Pipe to pray for a peace that is best for ALL. I’m a changed person, totally altered. I can never doubt again. Can I ever feel bad again? This is Earth-shattering, mind-blowing stuff! The Tree I was Smoking near is bright yellow...the South..healing..sustenance...joy! I’m still swooning with delight at this divine intervention. Make no mistake, ye doubters! I have seen the hand of the Great Spirit touch my life...none of the events I have recorded in my Journals thus far is accidental. I finished by taking the Ash of this, the holiest and most powerful of all my Smokes, and blowing it onto my Sage plant. Wouldn’t you know...there was some unsmoked Tobacco left, so it was God’s will I offer both As and Tobacco to the plant we use to ward off negativity. Great! I then wrapped up the Pipe. It’s back in its Skin and Feathers, separated, and Smudged.”
What I left out of this summary at the time, due to my obvious excitement, was the first thought that Crossed my mind after the Hawk had left: This only happens to Shamans! I had read about their interactions with the Winged Ones in a meaningful way...and this visit by Hawk to me at the end of the 4th Smoke, inspired by a Dream, was the stuff of a Shaman’s Walk. I knew from then on, although it has taken several years to advance at the timing the Spirit Camp desires, that I was destined to adopt Shamanic Ways...hopefully someday to earn the title. Even though I am a non-Native, my ancestry is rich with Shamanic practices of its own.
Hence my name, Four Hawks...hence my Shamanic works. And again, perhaps the little Eagle being scooped up by the Large “Great Spirit” Eagle in the first Dream was, after all, me, on my way to this extraordinary event.
Monday, January 08, 2001
The Dream
Here is my Dream as written up at the time. I have done some very minor editing for better flow, but no substantive changes have occurred:
“In the past few weeks, while driving or out at night, I thought I had been seeing black bird shapes, flying in the dead of night, darker than the sky itself. I also recently had a dream where I was standing in the back yard with my dog, and it was very dark. The trees and buildings were just black shapes. The sky was barely lit. Yet, I saw a very brilliant light shining from behind the shed, where the Pipe is smoked. I knew it was THE Sacred Light, and was thrilled to witness it! Off near the edge of the woods, though, I then saw this black animal walking toward my yard..large and low, hard to put a name to..sinister-looking. Both these things spoke to me of an impending return of the dark force, but I put that aside, hoping it wasn't true. As the Shamanic dream began, I was walking my dog in my back yard. A huge black bird shape flew in from the west. As I first saw it, I was comforted knowing that I had thought I had been seeing black bird shapes at night. Here at last was proof, I thought. As it flew over me, though, it was huge! And a very dark gray against the black night. As it passed over me, I felt a sudden urge to scream. It was a PRIMAL scream, too..pure fear. All mouth, no sound? I woke up, but on a bed next to mine (where there is none in reality). As I sat up shaking, I felt a small wet touch in my back, like a dog's nose. I thought it was Calvin, but it turned out to be Janet's hand, asking if I was OK. I said yes, feeling relieved. At this point, sequence one ended as the real Janet woke up to turn in her back pain on our one bed, and I realized the first wake-up involving two beds had also been a dream. As you’ll see, I was in my old birthplace house in Boston during that wake-up.In Sequence 2, which began the minute I got back to sleep, I was in my old house in Boston (where the dark force had pulled me down the stairs when I was young..and appeared to me as my mother with horns). I was up in my sister's Sue's room, with Janet and Jen and Calvin. I was saying goodnight to them. I hugged Janet, then went to hug Jen. As I hugged HER, the lights went out and it got very dark. She seemed unresponsive as I hugged her. I felt I was being isolated. I backed off to go out into the hall to turn on those lights instead. As I did so, I saw the barely visible face of Calvin on top of a small table in the corner next to Jen, staring at me. The hall lights didn't work either. I felt very unsettled. In my sister Laura's room, there was a weak glow of light emanating from a corner, but no light was on. I felt quite scared by now, and rushed into my bed room to grab my flashlight under the bed. I did so, it worked, and I started flashing it around. At this point, the dream carried me to a lit room downstairs for a second, with Calvin by me. Suddenly, this room downstairs became my bedroom, the very place from which I'd been pulled as a boy. Cal was alert at the foot of the bed, staring at the door. Suddenly, Janet reached down from my right to hug me. I put my arms around her neck and got a much needed dose of love. As I did so, I felt a huge hand clasp her neck and begin pulling her away from me. I asked what the hell that that was, but no answer. This hand lifted both of us out of bed as I held onto her for dear life. When we were upright, I realized this dark shape had full hold of her. I let go of her at this instant in order to convince myself it was a dream, and this dream sequence ended instantly. At this point, really awake, I was a nervous wreck. I knew what was happening. I was in a spirit war! I girded myself for battle in bed by wrapping myself figuratively in Sage, my War Bonnet, and my Pipe (I would have done so in reality but didn't want to wake up Janet). I knew I was very vulnerable, that the attack was on, that I had to rely on my Medicines to fight. I kept saying to myself, "I am Four Hawks, I am ready." I was praying hard, very nervous about what would happen next when I went to sleep. Sequence 3 began immediately. I was back in the Boston house with Janet and her best friend Cyndi. I was supposed to give Cyndi a facial makeover, of all things! But as I began, I realized I didn't have all the stuff I needed to do a good job, so I went to my room looking for the facial mask to begin the process, but couldn't find it. I don't recall how we jumped to the next morning, but we were in the kitchen, and I was apologizing to Cyndi for apparently falling asleep and not finishing with her, when Calvin came running in from the back and jumped right on the kitchen table. Cyndi got up and went to the hall mirror to get ready for work. As I was there helping her and apologizing again, she went to turn on the light, and it didn't work. "Here we go again," I thought. I tried a lamp by the door, but it just has a small blue glow by the switch. I tried the living room light..nothing. So I knew IT was back. The girls took off to go to work, leaving me alone in the house. I was determined to get rid of this presence, so I walked toward the kitchen from the hall and reached back. I could almost see IT as I grabbed this force by the hand and pulled it to the back door. As I got there and went out into the yard, I released it to the Great Spirit. As I did so, I looked up and beheld the most beautiful sky I had ever seen. Bright, white bulbous clouds with long projections (like you see lava lamps) across the sky, with brilliant, closely-packed star clusters against a deep blue where there was clearing. Then, some gray cloud patches went by, one of which had two eyes in it. Directly above me, there was a large circle of light, turning slowly, that was actually a galaxy, complete with gaseous clouds spiraling in. I was so awestruck by the beauty, I did what any 20th century guy would do..ran for the camera! Even as I ran through the house to get it, I looked up and could still see the galaxy through the ceiling! But when I got back out, the sky had gone dark gray again, with just a hint of red at the horizon. Two boys were across the street as I stood there. One ran into the house, so I followed him. He was grabbing two books from the hall bookshelf, smiling, saying Kenny said it was OK. I asked him nicely not to take them, so he dropped them and ran back out to his friend. Once outside again, I noticed a woman cloaked in a veil, sitting on a bench across the street next to a stalled car. But now, the sky was looking interesting again. Not as gorgeous, but several of those brilliant star clusters were back. So I stood and took a picture. The camera took seconds on end to finish, so I don't know if I got it or not. I then turned and looked..the woman was still there..I could hear music playing softly by her. I was trying to decide if she was in need of help or just resting when the dream ended. This was an epic shaman's dream. It had all the markings of things I've read about in Native books. I was so shaken I had to get up to write this all down. As I came upstairs, Avery was crying, and Jen went to her with a bottle. As I sat down to write about my experience at the kitchen table, the light over the sink (as it will do occasionally) went out! :) I had to laugh, given “lights out” was a main motif running though my dreams. Both the animal in the prior dream and the large black bird at night to begin tonight's sequencing, WERE indeed announcers. My scream as the bird flew past me signaled the beginning of a truly primal, spiritual battle against fear itself. The girl at the end signals the fact that the dark force is still at the edges..remember the cat at the edge of the yard the last time I threw the force out that same back door, and you even wrote, beware of the cat? So the battle will resume again. The fact things went black when I hugged Jen disturbs me greatly, for I fear she indeed has the same dark force attached to her that used to be attached to me when I was young. Cal's nearly-constant presence is also very interesting, as he has been out of sorts (tail down) for a few days. Any other dreams after our sandwiches? Actually, yes. We were back here in Exeter, on my back porch late at night, Kenny and I this time. All was quiet, normal. A large car came up our street and stopped in front of our house for a few seconds. It then back into my neighbor's driveway and drove off. I didn't know what it meant in the dream, but now realize it picked up the woman on the bench to take her away..for a while. If anything, though, this monumental fear journey proves my Medicine is strong..Four Hawks lives. The battle will resume, but I am much stronger now for surviving this one.”
“In the past few weeks, while driving or out at night, I thought I had been seeing black bird shapes, flying in the dead of night, darker than the sky itself. I also recently had a dream where I was standing in the back yard with my dog, and it was very dark. The trees and buildings were just black shapes. The sky was barely lit. Yet, I saw a very brilliant light shining from behind the shed, where the Pipe is smoked. I knew it was THE Sacred Light, and was thrilled to witness it! Off near the edge of the woods, though, I then saw this black animal walking toward my yard..large and low, hard to put a name to..sinister-looking. Both these things spoke to me of an impending return of the dark force, but I put that aside, hoping it wasn't true. As the Shamanic dream began, I was walking my dog in my back yard. A huge black bird shape flew in from the west. As I first saw it, I was comforted knowing that I had thought I had been seeing black bird shapes at night. Here at last was proof, I thought. As it flew over me, though, it was huge! And a very dark gray against the black night. As it passed over me, I felt a sudden urge to scream. It was a PRIMAL scream, too..pure fear. All mouth, no sound? I woke up, but on a bed next to mine (where there is none in reality). As I sat up shaking, I felt a small wet touch in my back, like a dog's nose. I thought it was Calvin, but it turned out to be Janet's hand, asking if I was OK. I said yes, feeling relieved. At this point, sequence one ended as the real Janet woke up to turn in her back pain on our one bed, and I realized the first wake-up involving two beds had also been a dream. As you’ll see, I was in my old birthplace house in Boston during that wake-up.In Sequence 2, which began the minute I got back to sleep, I was in my old house in Boston (where the dark force had pulled me down the stairs when I was young..and appeared to me as my mother with horns). I was up in my sister's Sue's room, with Janet and Jen and Calvin. I was saying goodnight to them. I hugged Janet, then went to hug Jen. As I hugged HER, the lights went out and it got very dark. She seemed unresponsive as I hugged her. I felt I was being isolated. I backed off to go out into the hall to turn on those lights instead. As I did so, I saw the barely visible face of Calvin on top of a small table in the corner next to Jen, staring at me. The hall lights didn't work either. I felt very unsettled. In my sister Laura's room, there was a weak glow of light emanating from a corner, but no light was on. I felt quite scared by now, and rushed into my bed room to grab my flashlight under the bed. I did so, it worked, and I started flashing it around. At this point, the dream carried me to a lit room downstairs for a second, with Calvin by me. Suddenly, this room downstairs became my bedroom, the very place from which I'd been pulled as a boy. Cal was alert at the foot of the bed, staring at the door. Suddenly, Janet reached down from my right to hug me. I put my arms around her neck and got a much needed dose of love. As I did so, I felt a huge hand clasp her neck and begin pulling her away from me. I asked what the hell that that was, but no answer. This hand lifted both of us out of bed as I held onto her for dear life. When we were upright, I realized this dark shape had full hold of her. I let go of her at this instant in order to convince myself it was a dream, and this dream sequence ended instantly. At this point, really awake, I was a nervous wreck. I knew what was happening. I was in a spirit war! I girded myself for battle in bed by wrapping myself figuratively in Sage, my War Bonnet, and my Pipe (I would have done so in reality but didn't want to wake up Janet). I knew I was very vulnerable, that the attack was on, that I had to rely on my Medicines to fight. I kept saying to myself, "I am Four Hawks, I am ready." I was praying hard, very nervous about what would happen next when I went to sleep. Sequence 3 began immediately. I was back in the Boston house with Janet and her best friend Cyndi. I was supposed to give Cyndi a facial makeover, of all things! But as I began, I realized I didn't have all the stuff I needed to do a good job, so I went to my room looking for the facial mask to begin the process, but couldn't find it. I don't recall how we jumped to the next morning, but we were in the kitchen, and I was apologizing to Cyndi for apparently falling asleep and not finishing with her, when Calvin came running in from the back and jumped right on the kitchen table. Cyndi got up and went to the hall mirror to get ready for work. As I was there helping her and apologizing again, she went to turn on the light, and it didn't work. "Here we go again," I thought. I tried a lamp by the door, but it just has a small blue glow by the switch. I tried the living room light..nothing. So I knew IT was back. The girls took off to go to work, leaving me alone in the house. I was determined to get rid of this presence, so I walked toward the kitchen from the hall and reached back. I could almost see IT as I grabbed this force by the hand and pulled it to the back door. As I got there and went out into the yard, I released it to the Great Spirit. As I did so, I looked up and beheld the most beautiful sky I had ever seen. Bright, white bulbous clouds with long projections (like you see lava lamps) across the sky, with brilliant, closely-packed star clusters against a deep blue where there was clearing. Then, some gray cloud patches went by, one of which had two eyes in it. Directly above me, there was a large circle of light, turning slowly, that was actually a galaxy, complete with gaseous clouds spiraling in. I was so awestruck by the beauty, I did what any 20th century guy would do..ran for the camera! Even as I ran through the house to get it, I looked up and could still see the galaxy through the ceiling! But when I got back out, the sky had gone dark gray again, with just a hint of red at the horizon. Two boys were across the street as I stood there. One ran into the house, so I followed him. He was grabbing two books from the hall bookshelf, smiling, saying Kenny said it was OK. I asked him nicely not to take them, so he dropped them and ran back out to his friend. Once outside again, I noticed a woman cloaked in a veil, sitting on a bench across the street next to a stalled car. But now, the sky was looking interesting again. Not as gorgeous, but several of those brilliant star clusters were back. So I stood and took a picture. The camera took seconds on end to finish, so I don't know if I got it or not. I then turned and looked..the woman was still there..I could hear music playing softly by her. I was trying to decide if she was in need of help or just resting when the dream ended. This was an epic shaman's dream. It had all the markings of things I've read about in Native books. I was so shaken I had to get up to write this all down. As I came upstairs, Avery was crying, and Jen went to her with a bottle. As I sat down to write about my experience at the kitchen table, the light over the sink (as it will do occasionally) went out! :) I had to laugh, given “lights out” was a main motif running though my dreams. Both the animal in the prior dream and the large black bird at night to begin tonight's sequencing, WERE indeed announcers. My scream as the bird flew past me signaled the beginning of a truly primal, spiritual battle against fear itself. The girl at the end signals the fact that the dark force is still at the edges..remember the cat at the edge of the yard the last time I threw the force out that same back door, and you even wrote, beware of the cat? So the battle will resume again. The fact things went black when I hugged Jen disturbs me greatly, for I fear she indeed has the same dark force attached to her that used to be attached to me when I was young. Cal's nearly-constant presence is also very interesting, as he has been out of sorts (tail down) for a few days. Any other dreams after our sandwiches? Actually, yes. We were back here in Exeter, on my back porch late at night, Kenny and I this time. All was quiet, normal. A large car came up our street and stopped in front of our house for a few seconds. It then back into my neighbor's driveway and drove off. I didn't know what it meant in the dream, but now realize it picked up the woman on the bench to take her away..for a while. If anything, though, this monumental fear journey proves my Medicine is strong..Four Hawks lives. The battle will resume, but I am much stronger now for surviving this one.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)